Oct. 14, 2021

One more day will mark a week.

Tomorrow will mark a week since I started doing daily walks again. I have noticed a lot of unhealthy changes in me this year. Some of which I have written about here. I have been a yo-yo in terms of my emotional and mental state. It is understandable I am sure for a lot of people. Given that I managed to make it through Thanksgiving without falling to pieces, I believe I can make it through Christmas when it comes.

Thanksgiving felt familiar but also different. I was with people I knew and a couple I did not but others did. We did not toast the absence of family or at all like we normally would. It was probably for the best although, I did consider saying something. I didn't in the end. I wanted nothing more than to just get through the day and I did. I don't know what to expect with Christmas of course.

I am still having moments where a wave of sadness will hit me and I do what to cry but at the same time I don't. I find that telling myself out loud that it is okay to feel this way and why I feel it helps me accept it but not give it the power to win me over mentally. Walking this week has reminded me that I am allowed to feel good mentally and physically.

I was using it as avoidance for my emotions in the beginning until I became numb and went "whatever I don't care" and I became selfish and lost in sadness and doing whatever I wanted, regardless if it was healthy or not. By unhealthy I mean, sitting around for days watching tv and movies and eating. I would still get up and change and shower but that was the extent of my life unless I HAD to do something like getting my shots or by furniture.

I am back to the point where I want to do something and I am putting in the right effort and talking myself into it. I am planning my days again. I check the weather when I first wake up to see if it is decent weather for a walk or not. I am not sleeping until 11 AM. I am feeling good about myself again

Things I did today

  • went for a walk with my dog
  • made the bed
  • morning routine
  • logged into game
  • made some hard-boiled eggs to last a couple of days
  • journal entry
  • meditate

things I did not do today

  • restoke the bathroom toilet roll holder x3 rolls
  • craft

Note to readers. I live in Canada and we celebrate Thanksgiving in October.

Written by EmeraldPhoenix

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