6:09 AM (Tuesday, October 19th 2021)
Today is Monday, October 18th 2021. All my previous entries for like a week have been private. I've been dealing with some personal problems that are more or less nothing. During today's Spanish lesson, I talked with my tutor about wanting to quit work, and we went over this "15 reasons it's time to quit work" article which was in English and I would translate it to Spanish as we read along. I told her that I matched most of the things on the list and that I was going to tell my boss I wanted to quit.
After the Spanish lesson, I texted my boss a three paragraph message explaining how grateful I was that they hired me during my time of desperation, but that I was feeling to overwhelmed about everything and wanted to quit.
This is my second quitting message I have sent them, I sent them my first back in February 2021 and I just sent a quitting email, no room for ambiguity "this is my two week notice". They really wanted me to stay with them, called me up and said we can accommodate whatever you are doing. So when I did move to Puerto Rico in March and started a company here, they contracted that company so I could still work for them, they wrote up brand new contracts and everything. That's extremely accommodating already, since I doubt any other employer would have let me do that or done that for me.
It's been several months since, I have been working the same for them. Except I have been signing my hours less. I would still be in front of the computers for 8+ hours a day on weekdays, but I wouldn't be fully concentrated on work that full time, so I would sign off hours like 2 hours or 4 hours. Back when I was a full time employee, this didn't matter, every day was 8 hours no matter if I was fully concentrated for.8 hours or not.
After texting this new quitting message, I received a text from my boss to call him up when I get the message. I called him up and walked outside in the neighborhood. We talked about things like me signing off only 4 hours even though I was in front of my computer for more than 8, he said as long as I was thinking about work, whether I was walking outside or not fully concentrated, I could still sign off on those hours. So I treated it differently, that I was only supposed to write hours I actually was typing / working on the computer, but he basically told me to treat it the same way as if I were fully employed.
Also, he made this very clear that I could work whenever I wanted to. He asked, what if you only work 1-3 hours a day? Whenever you want? Now that was a better deal. Technically I already did that, except I just felt a lot of pressure about getting the work done. He told me to ease up on the pressure and that I didn't have to worry so much. I asked if I could just work 1-3 hours and then do whatever else I want for the rest of the day, leave home, do whatever, and he said that was fine. I'm obviously going to only sign off 1-3 hours in those situations, but this ability to only work when I felt like it expressed explicitly, changed everything.
Anyway, today he told me to just spend the day gathering up all my tasks and everything pending, and we would go over which ones are important tomorrow. So with this, they gave me a lot more freedom and flexibility, as much as I wanted basically. I work remotely, work whenever I want, so that's great.
Afterwards when the phone call ended, I checked my phone and a friend had texted me. He owed me like $2500 to $4000 or something like that, for tutoring him English back when he was in university. I think I wrote about it here. I used to visit his house and tutor him for $20 to $40 an hour (it was $20 at the start, but I told him I was annoyed and wanted to leave, he raised it to $40), he said he would pay me after he got his first job, and it's been like 2-3 years since, I didn't believe he was ever going to pay me back for those hours. But yeah he texted me back today and said he would pay me back at the end of the month, I said he could just give the money to my parents since I wasn't there anymore.
He also told me his family moved to a new home, and he sent me a video of it. It was this pretty massive home. We both talked about how we got the new iPhone 13 Pro Max, and our current lives, and stuff like that. He said he wanted to visit me, not sure when though. He reminded me he was married and also shared his salary with me.
Anyway, the rest of the day I just spent it at home. I started fasting from today until Monday, so I'm not eating anything for a full week, this was just the first day. This is so I can lose weight and look more attractive. I recently fasted for 3 days, and I lost 7 pounds in those 3 days to weigh under 200 pounds. I re-fed two days ago since I was starving, and I ate a bit yesterday, but since then I have not eaten anything since.
These actions might've been stupid, but I spent over $100 on adult videos today. I don't know what I was thinking. I might've been thinking about celebration for one thing, stress relief for another, boredom as another thing. I ended up enjoying myself 4 times throughout the day, I only enjoyed myself 2 times on those new videos too. I have probably spent over $2000 on adult videos this year and last year. By enjoying myself throughout the day, I mean like, once every 2-3 hours or so, there would be a bit of break between each session., and yes I would "peak" each time. And yeah, I wouldn't eat anything before or after any of these sessions. If my body is going to refresh itself and renew what I had expelled, it's going to use all those nutrients stored as fat within me.
I also haven't been wearing any glasses or anything for the past 2-3 days. I can only really see how fat I am when I am not wearing any glasses. My appearance in the mirror is far bigger without glasses, since I can't see sharp edges as well. I notice that I am extremely fat. I really have a lot of weight to lose.
I guess that's all I did today. I also watched the second Matrix movie on HBO Max. I watched the first Matrix yesterday and it was good. I've only probably seen these movies once in my life, back when they first came out, and my age at the time was really young and my English wasn't so great, so I didn't really understand much of what I was watching. Now I'm fully conscious of the story, and if there's one criticism, it's how many bullets these guys fire at point-blank range and still miss. Like that beginning scene in the second Matrix movie there Trinity jump out of that building and that agent jumps out to chase her, and they are falling and shooting at each other with these pistols and shooting like 100 bullets at each other, and they are just missing the whole time. Once I noticed that, I noticed for the rest of the movie, everyone shoots a hundred bullets but barely any hit their target.
The Matrix is the movie which I think inspired the Deus Ex game, which was one thing that influenced me to eventually go vegan. I say that the Matrix influenced Deus Ex, because the main characters who work for a UN organization wear all black with a trench coats and sunglasses. The Matrix also inspired the game Gunz the Duel, which was an amazing game few people got to experience. It involved wall running and doing all these cool tricks, just like in the Matrix itself. It turns out a lot of the cool moves called K-Style people would do on later levels, actually turned out to be glitches people were performing.
Anyway that's all I did literally the whole day. I also played some Beat Saber for a bit for like an hour. I know I was supposed to gather all my work and tasks and stuff, but I didn't feel like it the whole day.
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