Why does everyone have to just blow smoke up my ass and lie to me that about that I am capable at anything. Why do I always have to find out that the people I my life have no belief in me from hearing them talk about me not to me. Why were none of the previous attempts successful, why am I not already dead? I don't provide anything positive to the world and everyone just thinks I'm a waste maybe I should stop trying to be anything and just find a way to die. The biggest question is do I let them all know why or not. Do I make it a big grand gesture or do I alw it look like an accident, do I make them as miserable as they have always made me.
It's official everyone is blowing smoke up my ass. My boss, my coworkers, my significant other, my family, I would say friends but I don't have any of those. I am alone and unwanted in this world. The only reason my SO is still around is because I'll suck his cock whenever he wants and he has always been able to talk me into helping with whatever project he's doing so he has someone to yell at when it's not done as fast or as well as he wants. He then talks bad about me behind my for the effort I try to make and belittles me to my face of I actually manage to do something right by outside standards.
I don't even have anyone I can go to to talk about any of this, all I can do is post it in some sort of stupid online journal/blog that no one will ever see or read. I am a complete waste of resources.
I read it! I feel similar to you a lot of the time. What do you mean "they have no belief in you"? Who cares about their opinion and the made up standards they have? They are not focused on you or thinking about you most of the time.
If you want to fit in with others and make friends, you just have to go to the environments they're in and join them, whether online or real life. You are participating in this community right now for example by publishing an entry :)
You also do have people in real life you can go to and talk about all this, like your boss, coworkers, SO, and family. Like if you did have a friend you could talk to about this, you might then also say they are not someone you can talk to about this.
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