I'm not feeling that great right now. I just came back from walking outside for around 20 minutes and also playing Beat Saber for around 20 minutes. It's been over a year since I started playing Beat Saber, and I just played Origins on Expert+, it's easy to me now. I remember last year saying to myself that if I could just play this one song that would be it, I would only play that song forever and I would be satisfied and happy with not being able to play anything else. Well I've basically played every song on Expert+ since then, just not the top 7 or so hardest songs, but everything else, yes. I almost never play the song Origins now although it was my favorite song at the time last year.
It's hot here. Right now I have a fan blasting air directly at me at full power as I type this and since I was also sweating a lot, I took off my shirt too, and it's still hot. I miss the cold. I miss the past. I am feeling sullen because I was just playing this game called Forgotten Fields, I bought it for $12 a few hours ago and started recording myself playing it. I planned on sending the footage to a Fiverr guy while I wrote a review about it and read the review out loud, and he would edit together the footage along with my audio review into a video. But I think I can do that myself. Maybe I can just improvise my review here?
Forgotten Fields is a game about a late 20s writer (28 to 30 years old) named Sid, who published his first book a year ago and is now struggling to write his second book. It's a narrative kind of game, where you control Sid and interact with his world. The first things you get to do in the game are to wake up from bed, prepare and drink tea, use the bathroom, take a shower, wash your face, change clothes, and so on. You can also take a look around the room and see what he has. You can view his bills that he has lying around and how much he owes, and books and other things he has lying around too. You can use his computer and see the emails he wrote and the websites he visits, you basically play as another person living their life.
He's only had a few thousand sales with his book, so he's not living the dream life or anything like that. He rents a single apartment unit at his friend's home, but Sid's only seen him three times the past year. He is about to run out of money, and he needs to come up with a story idea and send it off to a publisher by midnight so he could get grant money which will let him live alone longer. On this important day that he has his story due, he gets a letter from his parents saying that their house has sold and they were inviting Sid over for a party that night. The rest of the game is Sid venturing outside his room and talking to friends and family members again that he hasn't seen in a year, reminiscing about the past, talking about the present, and being uncertain about the future.
The game ties in a lot of midlife crisis and existential crisis themes throughout the story, since the very beginning. Sid questions things like his career and whether it would have been better if he became a teacher instead, because that way his income would be guaranteed. He just wouldn't have as much freedom as he has as a writer, being able to make his own hours and do anything he wants. There's quite some chilling events such as when he has a memory in the past 12 years ago in 2008 (the game takes place in 2020 or 2021), and he was with his friends talking about where they would be 12 years from now, and how different things would be with everyone grown up. That reminds me of myself when I was 16, I was unsure of anything in the future but I was hopeful, and things turned out better than I could have imagined in some ways, and much worse in other ways.
I miss being a teenager and being around a bunch of other students and just learning and having fun in school. I think few people had as much fun as I did in high school. That was seriously the best years of my life. I was a popular kid, everyone in my entire graduating class (400+ students) knew my name, and I was sort of known by students in the other classes too. Classes were so fun because my friends were so fun. We would prank each other in classes, every day was a non-stop laugh riot. I was so stupid back then. There was one time in English class we were taking a test, I pranked a friend by taking his paper in the middle of the test, and then I laughed about it, and he was like "uhh wtf" and then I gave it back, the teacher saw that and took his test and gave him a new copy, we laughed about it afterwards because he was the one punished for literally not doing anything.
There was another time one of my friends wanted to play hooky after lunch. LOL, so as he left the building he was walking outside and was so visible, I just started saying out loud "HEY NAME!! BYE!! SEE YOU IN SCHOOL TOMORROW" and waving at him, and other classmates gathered around the windows to see him just walking on the grass outside (you're not supposed to be outside), and then he looked up and saw all the kids looking at him and he was like "oh sh-" and started running!! LOLOL. This was in the middle of class too, like we had class, and then a 45 minute or so break for lunch, and then we would go back to the same class, and the teacher came back afterwards and was like "hey where is name??" and everyone was like "we don't know" LOL.
Those days were fun, but they're long gone. They also talked about this in the game, it's called Declinism, in which you view the past with rose-tinted glasses and view it so nicely, but then the future is bleak. They talk about a few philosophy related things in the game. Honestly I feel like I'm just not sure anymore. Everything in the past is a long gone event now. All those people I remember when we were all a certain age, are all much older now. My previous bosses when they were in their mid 40s back then, are in their early 50s now. My teachers in elementary school when they were in their 40s, are in their 60s now and probably retired. When I was 11 I remember going into Game Crazy, a video game store like GameStop, there were some "dude" workers who worked the counters who were probably in their mid to late 20s, I remember them because they were like your stereotypical "college bro" kind of guys, making jokes in that manner, and now they're probably in their mid to late 40s.
And as I was walking outside today, I just thought about where I would be 10 years from now. I would be 38 years old. What the fuck am I doing at that point? Am I still the same? How am I different? Did I accomplish some things I wanted to accomplish? Did humanity progress in any way and is killing far less or no animals at all instead of the hundreds of millions daily for unnecessary and destructive reasons? Who would I be talking to then? Just lots of questions popped up. Honestly, I still see myself as being single, although I do not want to be single even right now :(
I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing. I hope I'm still in Puerto Rico. I hope I accomplish some things I wanted to accomplish, I hope I am still alive by then. I think at that point I would have been ready for fame, and I hope to have some at that point. Maybe ten thousand followers on Twitter or ten thousand subscribers on YouTube, maybe ten thousand on Instagram, some fame like that. Ten thousand followers on any platform to me is a lot, because I am reserved and intentionally do not have a very active social media presence intentionally right now. I think it's certainly possible for me to accomplish though, once I feel like I'm ready to go for it. Right now, no way.
Anyway I downloaded this new app called Strides last night, and I have been using it in collaboration with Apple Reminders. I have tried using Apple Reminders for habit, but it just doesn't work. So Stride is the new app I am using for that, and it's worked well so far. I set habits such as 100 push ups a day, walk outside 3 times a day, drink 16 small glasses of water (it would be 8 regular glasses but I have small glasses), and write my journal entry like this. And so far I have done literally every single thing I put on there. I just have one more thing to do after this journal entry, and then I would be done. I guess I'll do that now.
But yeah I am really tired and sleepy right now. Longish day I guess. One thing I noticed, is that I do use a Windows, Linux, and MacOS computers every day basically. I turn them both on at around 9 AM have them on for basically the whole day until I go to sleep, I use the Windows for work, and the Linux for other work, and these are two separate laptops. I notice that I turn them off at night. I have to turn them off because they get hot and use a lot of energy. For these MacBooks, the Air and the Pro, I don't turn them off. I just shut the lid, and then they're back on the next day. I don't feel like I can do that for either the Windows or Linux machines, because I think they get hot still. I don't know, just a random observation.
Anyway, I just have to complete this one item and then I'm going to sleep probably. That was my day today.
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