Walked 3 miles to get to a Beach, Got On Social Media Again, New Matches

9:01 PM

I went to the long walk park this morning, that's what I'm going to call the place. It's this place I have to drive 30 minutes to get to and it's the only place I know here where I can walk straight for miles and where I'm not surrounded by buildings and cars. I hate walking in my neighborhood for the reason that I am surrounded by cars and buildings and car exhaust fumes and all that. At night I guess it's fine to walk around in the neighborhood because there's far less cars driving by and the air smells cleaner, but it's not perfect, cars still drive by and sometimes people are smoking outside and there's the antennas pointed at my route.

So this morning I wanted to walk down the entire long walk park, and I thought it was going to be like 26 miles long or something, like marathon length. I was ready for that. I didn't bring any water or anything else with me except two cell phones and my car keys and wired earbuds. I brought two cell phones because one was my iPhone and I didn't have the lightning to audio aux converter, so I couldn't use my wired earbuds with it. So my other cell phone was my old android and I used it to listen to an audiobook.

I stopped using the Apple Airpods Pro even though I paid like $250 for them or however much they cost because I read this article about how the radiation from these wireless devices were harmful, especially if it's right on my ears having direct access to my brain. That's also the main reason I play my wireless VR headset with Wi-Fi turned off, though I do turn it on sometimes to play online or to download updates.

So anyway I go to this park and I walk for a mere 50 minutes before I reached the end. That was it? It was about a 3 mile walk, and my pace was roughly 10 minutes per km. It ended at this random beach, and I was so disappointed that this was the end of the path. This was supposed to go on for 26 miles, according to my imagination! But it ended so quickly. I honestly thought there were other parking spots or whatever else places up ahead, because I would see a lot of people coming opposite direction from me and I was like whoa there must be a lot of other entrances to this path up ahead, but no, and I was super disappointed.

Anyway I started walking back and I power walked. I passed by everyone that was walking, there wasn't a single walker that was faster than me my entire walk there and back. The only people that passed me were joggers and cyclists. I walked in my sandals though and I could feel blisters starting to form again. It's so annoying. I could walk for eons if it weren't for these blisters that make walking painful. I think it's my walking technique that cause this. Out of all my days walking though they only happened today and that one day when I walked 53,000 steps. I think my aggressive power walking today caused it. There was a time I made a big stop while power walking to look at this thing on the ground, and I felt a big "indian burn" on my feet. It was painful for a while, but it's pretty much healed now as I type this. Even with that pain though, I still power walked faster than everyone.

I walked around the beach for a bit and took some pictures, because I figured since I was there for the first time, I might as well explore and take pics. My beard has been growing for around 3 weeks now since I trimmed it last time, and it's starting to get unruly already. I weigh around 187 pounds in these photos and I still feel really fat and heavy. Honestly I do realize I criticize myself hard, most people would think I look fine, but I look too heavy still in my opinion. I am still so fat but so few people agree with that. I want to get to 150 pounds. Also yeah I walked around shirtless and I was the only person that was shirtless.

Afterwards I went to Fresh Mart and bought some groceries. I bought 3 bags of chips, some mixed greens, some unsweetened acai and a bag of apples. I ate all 3 bags of chips and the mixed greens at home, and most of the apples. The unsweetened acai tasted horrible, I just tasted it and didn't like it. Never again. After that I browsed the Internet for a bit, drank some water, and took a nap.

Afterwards, I got on social media again. It's been 2 weeks since I logged into any dating apps basically, but I opened up Veggly and VegPal. I was off in my estimate for how many matches I had last time, I said I had like 15 matches right? I actually had 17 matches on Veggly and 2 Matches on VegPal, but these past 2 weeks I got 2 new likes on Veggly and 8 new likes on VegPal, so totaling 29 likes, and that's not including the several people that unmatched me. My latest VegPal match was from February 13th though, so I basically got 8 new likes in the 5 days I didn't log on, and then 0 likes since then. I am guessing they stop putting you up to be considered for any new matches after a week of not logging on.

You know, I don't know how to feel about this. I feel like when I look at myself in the mirror I am just so fat and that it would be embarrassing to meet up with any woman in real life. It's weird because in the photos I look fine, but with my poor vision and because I don't wear glasses at home, I just see myself as this blob basically in the mirror, especially if I take off my shirt. I can't really see my face that well, it's just this blurry brown round ball with some black stuff at the top. I think I would look fine if I could see sharper details, but I can't, so I am going with what I see and I'm not happy with it. I'm going to fast again starting tomorrow.

But yeah I think I need to live life a lot more deliberately. These past 2 weeks went by with really nothing to show. So here I am to fast again. I might go to the park again early tomorrow morning if I can, and try jogging it. They open up at 6 AM. I also need to go back to doing 100 push ups a day. I stopped because it was annoying to do. It's annoying because it's tiring. I know that's a stupid excuse. I could do 100 push ups a day even when I weighed 200 pounds, so it's a bit easier for me now that I weigh less, but it's still annoying. It takes effort. If I fast though, I'm going to avoid doing strength training exercises and just do cardio. So we'll see.

I just did 10 push ups just now. It's quite annoying to do but it's not hard. It just takes effort.

Anyway, I think I should respond to some of my matches online. Then I'm probably gonna go to sleep. It's been two weeks since I last talked to Riley, and I want to message her. She's so fun to talk to and she is very ambitious. There's also Wahl who responded to my message from last week yesterday. I told her I was in the middle of my 14 day fast and dopamine detox attempt last week and she asked me how I felt today. Uh oh, because I didn't actually succeed in fasting. I thought I could make up for the 7 days I failed if I succeeded the next 7 days, but I also failed that. So it's a complete failure! I want to fast for these next 7 days though and then message her next week.

Wahl and Riley are both more ambitious than me. Their goals are pretty hard to attain too, even for me. Like I have already paid off my home and can live however I want, I have almost no drive now to succeed any further because I feel pretty good about my current place in the world. There's still things that drive me like I want people to stop killing and eating animals for sure, but in terms of succeeding any further monetarily or even career-wise, I don't really have any further drive for that. I even indirectly gave hints to Wahl at how much I make by alluding to some example of an X amount per day, and she was basically like "that wouldn't be enough for me" and maybe that's a red flag because that's crazy. Maybe I am just a cheapo, but I think that amount is far more than enough for anyone (it is not a crazy amount though, but it's seriously more than enough). Riley also wants to make much more than that, she told me how much she wanted to make per month, and it's multiples of what I currently make a month, so yeah they are both far more ambitious than me and both are interested in meeting up and dating, which is cool.

I think everyone else is far more responsible than I am. I am a failure in many regards. I want to ask them if they can help me become more ambitious and responsible too. Especially if we get into a relationship, then we could have one where we help each other out, that would be cool! They are both really attractive, far more attractive than me. I could describe what they look like, but that might be too much. I like them both. I'm glad they like me back enough that we continuously talk to each other and they both want to meet up. I'm gonna need to level up my looks though and start fasting again.

I also need to sleep earlier instead of at 2 AM every night. So I am going to do what I said, I am going to reply to some matches now, some new ones, some old ones, and then I'm going to go to sleep.