28/2/22

I should really write here more. Y'all are so supportive, and I really appreciate all the comments you leave. :)

This post is going to be a more positive update on my life. So last semester, depending on myself as an adult for the first time in my life, combined with the SA incident with my roommate, and then being isolated and bullied (emotional abuse really) by the only "friends" I had at the time, was not a good combo. I'm pretty sure it triggered my first manic episode ever, and my fainting episodes. It may have been a psychotic episode? Idk I have to do more research on labels and shit. I failed my classes. But I'm doing better now. I'm stable enough to recognize my previous delusions and hallucinations etc. I've separated myself from those people. The worst part was that I'm pretty sure my autism and previous experience with living with an emotionally abusive person may have made me an easier target. I mean I didn't even realize it was bullying until someone told me it was.

Anyways, I'd say I'm better now since the only friend drama I have it being angry with one of my suitemates because she broke the shower. Academically, my only issue is sleep (I'm always tired and I sleep though fire alarms, sunlight, classes, etc.). I think being tired all the time as something to do with chronic pain and extra bendy joints.

My mom banned me from drinking and drugs since I'm academic warning, which I have been following. I only take a little delta 8 when I have already taken ibuprofen for migraines or period cramps and I'm scared of fucking up my liver since I've been eating ibu like candy for my periods since I was 14. I don't think there's any research on it but I have a hunch that edibles (thinking homemade) is probs better than popping 12 ibu a day for a week every month. I mean plants are healthy right? Delta 8 does make me sleepy tho so I'm hoping to eventually just grow my own weed in the future when I'm financially stable enough to grow my own veggies.

I just keep thinking back to my delusions. I thought I was a god, immortal, or maybe a vampire sometimes. I'll probably make a post later on talking more about it - something more organized than this ramble.

I have to do some homework now, thank you for being here for me :)