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I think I'm gonna finally call back the sleep study center. I've gotten to the point of exhaustion where my body does not have the energy to process hunger cues. I don't know what's wrong with my body. Something feels wrong. What I usually do when I feel something off with my body and I don't know what is that I try to satisfy every single need I could possibly have. I toggle the controls essentially. I try messing with more or less of the following: eating, sleeping, outdoor time, noise input, light input, social time, showering, meds, anything. Nothing is working. People I'm talking to say I may not be getting enough, or any REM sleep. I slept for 20 hours the other day. I forced myself to stay up for 4 hours, but I really could've stayed up for 1 hour to eat and piss then go back to sleep. Last night I popped 6g (double my usual) melatonin at 9:30pm to try to fall asleep. I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep at 5:30am. I woke up at 6:45am but decided to sleep in till 8am. I ate breakfast at the dining hall because this forces me to get dressed and go for a walk and interact with people. I'm so tired. No matter how much I sleep, I'm still so tired. The bags under my eyes feel heavy. I can feel them. I'm so tired it makes me want to cry. This kinda feels like junior year like the way my body feels. Except junior year I was working non stop and now I just sleep non stop but nothing works. I can see that my words and sentences make less sense than usual. I am using such easy vocab. I am not retaining memories. I'm too tired to express my real thoughts. I don't remember things I do or say. I repeat myself a lot I think. I keep trying to write but I keep having to retype things because I am having trouble spelling and remembering where the word on the keyboard are. I can't take caffeine. It makes me shake and piss. My skin on my face feels droopy. My eyes are warm and watery. I want to take a nap so bad but I just woke up. I need to stay awake. I need to fix my sleep schedule. I need to do my work. Breathing uses up energy. I need to do my dishes. I'm too tired. I may have to trigger a manic episode to get shit done if I can't fix this soon. I can't fail my classes again. I hate that the way my parents raised me I'm such an overacheiver, I cant ask for help, II have to fix everythin myself, im a failure if i dont. I got my septum ring changed out fron the original to one that matches my jewelry and my mom saw the charge on my card and told me to get a job. im literally disabled. i want to get a job but i cant. i dont have toime to pass my classes and sleep how am i going to work too. plus i have never worked before. The longer I exit in this world, the easier it is to understand why women, especiallly disabkesd women, go into sex work. You make your own scedule and it pays more. I don't want to make any decisiosn with the way m berain is now though. I kcant think properly. I'm so tired.