I am deciding to cancel my recital. Mostly because I missed the deadlines for paperwork, but, it feels like I missed them on purpose.
I was very calm today when I felt behind in my work. I find that the most important thing in preparing for a rehearsal or a class is the mindset I am in. Instead of practicing more run throughs of sections of a piece, doing yoga, mindful walking, or meditation actually can be a better alternative. Because if I am practicing while stressed, then the practicing I am doing is not going to stick in my head. But if I am calm while practicing, even if its a shorter time I would like it to be, the information is going to stick.
I still made mistakes in rehearsal, but I was not too bothered. I am in rehearsal to make mistakes, so that I may correct them, its okay to mess up in front of people. When I let go of trying to be perfect, I felt myself play so much better. I even surprised my self of how confident I was playing some passages. I was somewhat dreading the rehearsal but I ended up having fun. There is no good reason to stress for anything. Nothing in the future is real.
I ran into a friend at Walmart today. It was great to catch up. This is a friend I live very close to but I do not see often. I enjoy his company so I should seek it out more. He was very open to me how he was feeling very depressed lately but have been turning things around. I am very proud of him. Not a lot of my friends recognize this and make efforts to change their mindset.
Get a little better each day. Reward yourself for even doing the smallest of tasks. Cheer yourself on when you clean the dishes and wash your clothes. Do not try to do everything at once. Tell yourself that you'll do something productive for only 10 mins. That's all. then you may be surprised how you feel afterwards (:
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