Living in a weird new family

It has been about two months since I have been living with my new step family. We moved from an okay house to a very small, grungy house that smells bad and had living in it four people who live lives that are very different from mine; namely my step-dad, and my three new step-siblings, ages 12, 14, and 16. So far there have been ups and downs, and lately there have been downs. I have grown to love my step-sister, but my step brothers and step-father are extremely insensitive, and take my mother (who now has to cook and clean for a family of eight) for granted. This morning they spoke so rudely to her. I was on the brink of actually hating my new step family. I was very angry. These past few months have been building up by resentment, and I felt very very bad this morning after the tension. But I had to go to school, and I couldn't stay for more drama. I had to go to seminary first (my church class) and i remembered as I was on my way that I was in charge of the "spiritual thought," which is a short devotional students do before class. We rotate. Today was my turn. I quickly looked through some quotes from the leaders of my church so I could have something to say for my spiritual thought. I came across a quote from a leader of my church, which says, "When the love of Christ envelops our lives, we approach disagreements with meekness, patience, and kindness." -Elder Dale G. Renlund

This quote stuck out to me, and I decided to share it with my class this morning.

To be honest, it did not make me feel all the way better. I still felt a little bitter. But this quote reminded me that there is a different way to respond to challenging people, that does not involve hate. I have been getting tired of the resentment I have been feeling. It has been taking more and more control of my life as daily I try to avoid eye-contact with my step-brothers, and I think bitterly about them every time I see them, and I cannot be myself at home anymore because I dislike being around them so much. And I want to be assertive and tough and mean around them, so show them I'm the boss, they can't tell me what to do. It is exhausting. The only people I can be myself around these days are my mom and my two biological siblings, who are like my best friends.

I don't feel comfortable at home most of the time still. And it still smells bad here. These kids don't do any chores, and they are being a bad example to my siblings.

Do you see my frustration?

I cannot just all of a sudden be patient and kind to these people. They are disrespectful and crude. Why did my mom marry my step-father?

But anyway, I have been pondering what Christ would do a lot in this situation, and I was reading about Moses in the Bible too tonight.

Moses seems so brave. He is so courageous in keeping the commandments of the Lord.

Before my mom divorced, I lived in a home that taught me the gospel, and taught me to love others, and I love that. I miss that, because it made me feel happier. We are in a different kind of home now. But you know what, I am not going to let that destroy my faith, because I love that feeling of love that Christ brings to me. I have come to know Him by studying and praying for years when I was younger.

I am going to choose to try to show patience. Just little by little. I can start by at least looking my step-family members in the eye when I talk to them. You know, to try to ignore them less.

I hope whoever reads this will choose to not lose their faith either, in whatever kind of faith you believe in. Keep on trying each day. Keep on acting in faith.