I woke up a lot later today than usual. My sister woke me up at 2 pm but I didn’t actually get up and do anything until 4 pm, so I didn’t end up eating anything until I went downstairs at 5 pm. I honestly didn’t do that much today; I mostly just spent time on my phone. I think my average screen time is a lot more than the average person (although it’s probably the same as other young people, at least when compared to my friends). I spend at least 12 hours on my phone, which is a lot, I’m aware. The most I’ve spent in a day this week was 16 hours. It’s because I spend a lot of time on Instagram and YouTube, but I’ve actually spent less time on YouTube since I’m trying to cut back. I also just generally do a lot of things on my phone; I’m honestly not sure if I could function without it haha.
I’ve been relatively unproductive these past two days, but I’m making a promise to do better tomorrow! I always seem to be most productive at night, which doesn’t really help my sleep schedule. I think I got everything done that was due this week though. I wrote a 2 paragraph summary about queues and what they can do for computer science, although I got kinda lazy and basically just wrote one paragraph and split it in half to make two. But I think my teacher will count it as fine, and he probably isn’t even taking that part of the assignment for a grade. I think just the code writing part, which I already completed, is for a grade. But he’s the kind of teacher you would do all the assignments for since you’re afraid to disappoint him/get on his bad side lol. I also made a collage for this week’s art assignment. Not the best collage, but good enough to get a good grade. I also haven’t done one of the art assignments from March because I never realized it was for a grade, but my teacher isn’t penalizing if it is done late as long as it’s done before May 22 since she recognizes that right now many people are going through difficult times and that the AP students have a higher priority, which is the get done with their portfolio.
For my portfolio, I rearranged the order of my pieces yesterday and decided to take one piece out since it didn’t really fit in with the rest of my sustained investigation (totally different color scheme in comparison), and I replaced it with an older piece which wasn’t that good, but it matched the colors and mood. I honestly don’t like a lot of my pieces and there’s a lot wrong with most of them, but they aren’t bad and I think together it’s fine. I just hope my theme for my sustained investigation isn’t too basic because AP graders don’t like basic and cliche themes, they want something original and interesting. Mine revolves around the themes of isolation and self reflection, portrayed through self portraits. I feel like it’s pretty unoriginal, but hopefully my art and skills make up for it. I’m still trying to figure out what to include for the selected works section. I have one piece picked out, but I’m not sure what to do for the other two spots. I want to display my best works that show my range of skills, but I don’t want them to be too similar to each other. I’m going to ask some other people on their opinion on which other ones I should include. I’m also unsure about the written portion where I talk about my art. I’m not sure what/how exactly I’m supposed to write for the processes part for each piece. Like I know I’m supposed to describe what I did to make the piece, but for some reason I’m struggling on what to write exactly. For the written evidence section for the sustained investigation, I wrote out yesterday in bullet points what I wanted to include in my answer, and I’m going to write it in complete sentences later. I’m probably going to go over the character limit, which is only 1200 characters and with just bullet points, I’m already at 1100, so I’m probably going half to edit/revise it quite a bit. And for the written part of the selected works, I don’t know what to write because I haven’t even looked at what the questions were. I also worked more on the last piece of my portfolio today. I spent about an hour working on it and colored in the neck and part of the chest and arm. It looks pretty good so far, hopefully it will turn out good in the end.
I was also thinking about what I was going to do for my portfolio next year. This year I’m in AP 2D art and design, next year I will be in AP drawing. I don’t have any good ideas and nothing has inspired me. I feel like I haven’t had any good ideas in a long time, if I even had any good ideas in the first place. I want to make next year the best year since I’ll be a senior and it will be my last year. There’s a bunch I want to do art-wise and also just in general, but I have no motivation to actually do any of it. I want to pick up digital art, but I barely know how to use the drawing program I have, and it’s really discouraging to be at this beginner stage while so many people are way better and I wish I could be just as good. I know practicing is the key, but at the end of the day, I don’t feel motivated to do it consistently and I feel like I need to be focusing on more important things (but I don’t even do those more important things, so just overall unproductive :/). I also feel the same way about computer science because even though I’ve been taking it for 3 years, I’m still such a beginner and I can’t actually apply my knowledge to any real code writing and real life scenarios. Game developing interests me, but I don’t know how to do anything. It’s intimidating to know there’s so many people who are so much better and proficient. It makes me feel unsure about my future. I don’t know what I want to major in or do as a future career. I don’t want to pursue art in college, and the only thing left for me is computer science, but I feel like I’m not good enough at it to pursue it. I want to practice with it more, and I truly do want to learn, but never came around to doing it. I want to commit to learning and practicing making games and learning other code languages, but I think I will wait until after all AP testing is done.
In other news, I’ve recently discovered a song that I really like right now and am listening to on repeat. It’s called Savage by Watsky. I’ve always been a fan of him and his music, but didn’t start listening to the rest of his most recent album until a couple of days ago. Also, he just finished breaking the world record for the longest free style rap the other day! He did it for 33 hours and 33 minutes to raise money amid all the coronavirus stuff, and he raised over $140,000. I popped in to watch his stream several times and I’m proud of him to say the least :)
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