Exercised and Worked, no thoughts

5:17 AM (of Saturday, May 5th 2022)

Today is Wednesday, May 4th and I just worked and exercised today, staying in my PR home with my dad. I barely remember today.

In the morning when I weighed myself, I weighed 189.3 pounds, thankfully I have a “smart scale” and I can see my weight progress on a chart on my phone. At the end of the day I weighed 190 pounds on the dot. I didn’t eat much because I knew I was meeting up with Aloe again tomorrow (Thursday) so I wanted to weigh as least as possible.

I still did some strength exercises though. I did a bunch of arm curls with around 25 to 27 pound dumbbells. I don’t even know the weight for sure, I have weight adjustable dumbbells. They are minimum 22 pounds because they have 2x 5 pound plates and 2x 6 pound plates. The dumbbell bar itself weighs 3 to 5 pounds, it has no label and I have no idea, but probably 5 pounds to be able to support much heavier weights.

i don’t know why I only did arm curls and push ups today, like I didn’t even attempt any other exercises. In hindsight I should have done other arm exercises that I don’t even know the names of. There’s a bunch of dumbbell exercises I don’t even know the ñames of.

I did 100 push ups today, with the last 40 being all in one go. Well, I was successfully able to do I think like 33 push ups in a row in 1 go while I was in the U.S. recently, so I attempted for 40 in a row today. I did not take any rest or breaks for the 33 push ups in a row, but for doing 40 today I admit I did. I paused for a bit at 20 seconds to catch my breath, and then I paused again at 30 to catch my breath, but I still did the full 40. So I don’t know if I can fully count this as 40 in a row because I paused, but it’s tentatively that.

My arms are getting kinda big now, maybe. I don’t recall if it was always like that, but I can wear a few shirts now and my arms are very tight around the arm hole. Also I’ve gotten compliments randomly that my arms were bigger and I’ve been asked if I have been working out. I guess they have gotten bigger, although if I am being honest I barely notice anything different.

If I do flex though, my muscles are very solid and hard, and much bigger than they were even just a few months ago when I didn’t work out at all. It was extremely easy to grow these muscles too, like I barely worked out, I don’t take steroids, and I just ate the same vegan foods I’ve always been eating, and my arms just grew with ease. No need to pay for animals to die and eat their flesh like mindless zombies not thinking about their actions and the destruction they cause.

i noticed some women randomly want to get a feel for my arms? Like my aunt very subtly brushed up and felt them as if I wasn’t going to notice when I visited. She commented if I had been working out and that my arms were bigger, even though I had only been exercising like a week or two when I visited, so they are even bigger now. And my mom did the same. Like, weird. Also Aloe sort of did the same when she gave my arms a massage tomorrow (Thursday). They all only felt my left arm though which is a bit weaker and a bit smaller than my right arm. Even though I do the same exact exercises for both, my right arm is bigger and stronger.

My dad is also quite muscular now. We only signed up for the gym like near the end of March. My dad also has just been barely exercising and eating the same vegan foods he had always eaten, but he is way more muscular now and it is very noticeable. He is also 65 years old so you would expect his muscle growth to be slower, but he’s quite muscularly toned now and it is very noticeable. I am still kinda fat and heavy, so I honestly do not notice anything new except my arms, and that’s barely noticeable, but my dad is like, his change is much more dramatic.

I love exercising and working. I use my mind and my body. I am kinda very skilled and knowledgeable in my field and I love it. It is fun. What I hate though is not having enough work and also wasting time. Even though I have so much work, I can actually get things done quickly. That’s probably a reason why I procrastinate, because I am confident in my ability to complete the task and I feel absolutely no pressure to do it, so I don’t do it right away. For my homework assignments, I sometimes do them like an hour before they’re due, this is NOT a good example to follow because I have failed many classes and it took me 9 years to get my Associate’s Degree.

Oh speaking of homework, I had some due tonight. Guess what? I worked on other things first, namely Vegpal tasks first. Priorities. I actually basically didn’t do my homework at all. One of them was an essay assignment and it had 3 pages due, I turned in like 3 sentences because I worked on it last minute and couldn’t do it in time. It’s better than getting a 0 so I always make sure to submit an assignment even if I didn’t do much or any of it. At this point in time, I think we have extremely diluted the value of a college degree because everyone has them.

I had some foresight back in early 2013 and back then I thought college degrees were going to be unnecessary in the future and I figured I could do some self study, build my own resume to find a job, so I dropped out. It was quite a tough life to be honest, I still made some income back then, like $500 a month maybe through my websites and apps and other ventures.

Those were some crazy freaking days, I was so stressed out. So stressed out daily. I still have my journal entries from back then somewhere. Yes I was already vegan at the time too. I am pretty much the same today as I was back then. It’s pretty weird how I am able to come to some very rational thoughts and ideas, like how come other people kinda don’t have creativity or insight like this to stop killing and eating animals or to stop paying and studying for a degree that might not be worth it’s cost in the future. I don’t know or get why either.

I also had like a thousand subscribers already, had maybe 1 million YouTube views, already made a few websites back then, some apps too. And I don’t really even think thoughts. My mind is still blank the majority of the time, even back then. I don’t get how it’s hard for anyone to “quiet their mind” or how anyone is thinking thoughts all the time, like what do they think about, what is there to even think about? Nothing. Nothing important the majority of the time anyway. Some people meditate to quiet their thoughts, it sounds impossible for most to believe, but my mind is like that the whole time. There is no way to prove it either.

Despite me thinking this way, my choices and actions aren’t always perfect either. I do make terrible decisions and I do bad things too, but at least I realize it so. I think I realize a bad choice right before I do it. Like if I put up an anime to watch, I realize it’s a bad activity to do. I realize it after the fact as well. I realize it while it’s happening. But these are all intuitive feelings. I don’t need to think to realize these things. I also still do bad things despite that.

The way I think about things I guess, is that everything is just there. Like these words I am typing right now. They just appear. I don’t plan ahead of time what I’m gonna write. It’s like how we speak and say things, we don’t really plan or whatever what we are going to say, same for what I write. Like is it true in movies when some characters are nervous of what to say and they have all these thoughts about what to say and all that? I literally don’t have any kind of internal dialog like that ever on what to say, or ever on what to do. All my actions are literally automatic.

I think we can think by feeling instead of by words, so I literally just think by feeling or intuition. I don’t even know how to describe it, but if we think with words we can only think like let’s say like 5 words a second or whatever. With just “feeling” or “intuition” or “imagery” or “imagination” or whatever, I don’t know the right word to describe it, we can think of concepts and ideas and everything basically instantaneously. Like everything I have written so far, I can grasp the concept of literally in a second or less or whatever. Like it’s not hard. I don’t know. Everything I do is intuition is how I would describe it. I literally have no thoughts. Even while on a treadmill for 2 hours with no music or headphones, I just stared at myself and kept walking or jogging with no thoughts. I could still intuit feeling bored and it being a boring activity and maybe my mind would think of things but it wouldn’t be a dialog.

Even when I make hard decisions, there is no dialog or whatever in my head. I use my senses then decide. Like I have something to do at 7 AM so sometimes I will look at the time and if it’s not 7 yet, just intuitively continue to do whatever until 7 AM approaches. I don’t look at the time and think in my head “it is 6:45 AM that means it is 15 minutes away from 7 AM so I have a few minutes to continue doing whatever before I have to do what’s due at that time” or whatever. I literally just glance at the time and that entire sentence I wrote is thought of instantaneously by feeling or intuition or whatever, it’s just instant!!! I don’t even waste a millisecond on that thought, I just understand it instantly no words or internal dialog required. This goes for literally my entire day.

People can respond instantly to questions and things, I can’t. And I have a hard time describing things. I just do everything intuitively. Even when I decided to drop out of school or when I decided to stop paying for the murder of animals, it came intuitively. Of course I did my research beforehand before concluding these things, I did a bunch of reading and watching videos on these topics. When I do read content or watch a video, I do take time to read with an internal dialog and I do watch videos at just the pace they’re at. So yeah when I read and write, that’s when I have an internal dialog just of that content and absorbing that content. The rest of the time my mind is blank. Even if I drive for an hour, I literally think of nothing except hear the music or audiobook that is playing and I have no thoughts at all while watching a movie or listening to any audiobooks or listening to someone speak. My thoughts and reply come intuitively.

It’s hard to explain and hard to believe this I think, but I’m not making it up. Apparently there is also a disease or illness with a fancy name of people who cannot have an internal dialog, I don’t have that, I can have an internal dialog, but I just do not, maybe by intuition or because I feel there is nothing to think about 99.99% of the time. Literally majority of peoples thoughts are probably better off not being thought at all since it’s all about I think stupid and useless things maybe, I don’t know what people think about but I know I think of nothing and my life is fine. So whatever people are thinking about 24/7 with an internal dialog is probably not important at all.

What is hard for me to understand is what people think about or how it is even possible to have an internal dialog 24/7. Like wtf are people thinking about. There’s literally nothing to think about. I think it’s how people have a hard time going to sleep, their minds are racing constantly. My mind is blank the entire time, literally, so I fall asleep instantaneously. I can lie down and fall asleep in 5 minutes. I really have no idea what people think about 24/7, but because people make so many stupid and dumb choices every day (like doing drugs or paying for animals to die) it’s like they aren’t thinking at all.

It’s better to intuit things and come to much better decisions through feeling than the “rational thinking” people imagine they have when in actuality they don’t. Based on many discussions with people, we are not rational at all. People are not rational when they think too slow through an internal dialog. Intuition can be fast, instant, and grab all concepts of a topic in under a second to get a clear picture of everything and then no more thoughts or internal discussions are needed. This is why I think an internal dialog is useless and why I don’t have any. My mind is quiet because I have literally nothing to think about. There is nothing to think about when you’ve already thought about that subject and its concepts in just a second, so any extra thoughts about that is plain redundant.

Anyway that was my day today.