6:51 AM (of Thursday, May 26th 2022)
Today is Wednesday, May 25th 2022 and it was a productive day today. I did 100 knuckle push ups and around 60 arm curls with 25 pound dumbbells. I don’t know why I did this, but I also just took my shirt off while doing the exercises and just kept it off the whole remainder of the day apart from doing some zoom meetings where I had to appear on camera.
In the morning I did a bunch of work for Vegpal. I was also running out of water so I went out to Wal-Mart to buy some, I bought some Clif bars and bananas too.
I went to a self-scan checkout and I didn’t know which one was the banana. I use the word plátano for banana as I was taught and I went to the P section on the touch screen, and only plantains came up. There was yellow and green plátanos, but neither were the bananas I had! I was so lost, I started sweating a lot and scrolling through all the letters and couldn’t find the bananas. Anyway I eventually asked for help and the lady went to the G section told me it was “guineo maduro”. They use guineo for banana here. I remember that for next time at least.
At home I continued working on Vegpal items. Sometime in the morning after our morning standup I did the tasks the interns were assigned to do and made a video demo showing how it was possible. There were some things that made it impossible before some backend updates I had to do, but they did not report it right away. Anyway the backend updates I made today made it possible to work.
They finished these items at the end of the day today. Or what the heck, maybe this was yesterday? Wow I think I did those backend updates yesterday (Tuesday) and they finished it yesterday and today was the day I reviewed their code. Yeah, that’s right. I reviewed their code today and showed them possible ways to optimize and improve it. They were super thankful when I did that, because I think I blew their minds with the possible optimizations they could have done. All this stuff is kinda basic knowledge to me but they were both super impressed and thankful.
This is a very stupid and minor complaint and rant, because of the improvements I applied, I kinda felt maybe they weren’t trying or something like that.
What else did I do? That was mainly it. Wahl has also not replied yet and I’m worried. She posted on her story that she’s traveled somewhere to South America now and alone too I think. No new stories or posts or anything from her today. I hope she’s fine. I also checked out some of her other stories on Instagram today and wow, I was very surprised and attracted. She is very fit and very attractive. In terms of physical appearance, definitely levels above me. I am not even sure if I am physically attractive, I certainly do not feel that way.
I just hate being alone and lonely. I grew up being alone my entire life I guess, coming home to an empty home at 2 PM every day until my parents got back at 7. There were not any sites you could go on to watch shows and stuff like that back then. YouTube was also pretty much brand new, I’ve used it since it came out in 2005 and my first account was made on March 2006! I remember the era before YouTube and during its early phases. There was not any sites I knew of that you could stream full episode of anime and other shows. You had to literally download each episode, and it could be like 200mb large which was huge back then.
I have always been exceptionally knowledgeable in computers and other things that interested me back then, even as a kid, so yeah. I’ve had a website since I was in 3rd grade and can’t recall a single day since then that I didn’t have a website up. Even 4th grade and 5th grade I have memories of working on my own websites. Anyway I am just trying to establish some credibility that I was around on the Internet since the late 90s and it was a much different world back then.
Anyway since there wasn’t all these movies and shows and things that were easily accessible online back then, I watched On Demand on Cable TV after school. Or I’d play some games. I am the only child. I just hate being so freaking lonely. I want to do things but hate doing them by myself. Like I would not travel to any country by myself. What am I going to do alone?
I think I am a pretty decent guy. I am successful in my career, my home is already paid off in its entirety and I am only in my 20s, although I am overweight I work on and constantly think about improving myself and my appearance. I also do not pay for animals to be killed for me, you would think in a sensible world other people would be the same, but it’s a very irrational and cruel world with individuals that make selfish decisions to harm and kill other beings for their desire when it’s entirely unnecessary. I am so supportive that I want both of us to succeed in our goals, whatever they are, and I want us to strive for things and not be content. I can also literally provide for my partner that they wouldn’t even have to work again. I’m also not short, but I guess it depends! I’m 5’10” and I think for being Asian it’s a good height, I am one of the tallest in my family! But yeah, I am single. I mean I have been in relationships in the past, I’ve dated a bunch of girls, I am also not a virgin! On dating apps like Veggly I have 47 likes right now. But still it’s hard for me and I still most of the time do not feel attractive at all. I think I need to lose more weight and get down to an appropriate BMI.
Also despite wanting to be in a relationship and not be alone anymore, I also still have some standards and things I am looking for in another. I’m not just gonna desperately go out with anyone, or else I would probably be out in clubs and bars right now asking for numbers and contact information.
I will not date someone that will just mooch off me, I can support both of us but they should at least have some career. I am not going to date anyone that is not supportive and friendly to me, if they will just be rude to me then I am out. I am open to dating people that currently pay for animals to be killed but are open to stopping, but I would not date someone that thinks they have to kill and eat others to survive and be healthy or other easily disproven arguments. And I don’t even care how physically attractive someone is, if they don’t fit my standards then I am not attracted to them at all.
Thankfully I would rate Wahl a 10/10 in physical attractiveness, and she fits all my standards! So I really hope she replies back and we meet up next month. If I am being totally honest, I feel very insecure. As a guy it is an unspoken rule that you are not supposed to reveal any vulnerabilities or weaknesses, so me revealing this is taboo! But it’s true, I don’t feel secure. I feel very lonely and isolated and alone in the world. But I don’t feel bad! Just because I feel lonely and alone and truly desire a partner doesn’t mean I feel sad or bad! I feel pretty frustrated about it if I am being honest. Frustrated with myself.
I learned about gender societal norms in todays homework reading. I did all my homework today right before I went to sleep! I was seriously just about to sleep and didn’t care about getting a 0 or whatever on a homework assignment, but for some reason I fought through it all and did the homework. I did a decent job too I think.
After that, I went to sleep. And I had a good sleep. I had a good dream. But I don’t remember what it was about now.
Anyway that was my day today.
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