May 31, 2022

Worked Whole Day, One More Day Until My First Song Is Live

9:11 PM

So I am just here lying down on the floor of my room, pretty much bored out of my mind. Well, I could work, I have tasks I need to do for sure, but I am kind of tired of working right now. I have worked the whole day today from morning until just a few hours ago, and I am pretty exhausted. It was all computer work too, so I didn't have to do any kind of physical work or anything, but I am still tired.

The only thing I had to eat the whole day today was probably 2 oranges and a mango. Is that really all I ate today? That's all I can recall that I ate today. Oh, I ate an avocado too, and the avocados here are far bigger than the ones in the States, so it was quite big. Like, the Hess avocados in the U.S. are pretty tiny to be honest, they are basically like tangerines next to a navel orange. Half of one avocado here probably has more avocado "meat" than an entire Hess avocado. Yeah that's basically all that I ate today. I didn't have any appetite to eat anything else. I want to fast again, for at least a week.

But yeah the water distiller was supposed to arrive today, so this morning AJN texted me about it. I told her it would be arriving today and she said she wanted to fast again. I was like, okay I'll pick you up. I told her there were some fruits I had here that I would probably just throw away, she said not to waste them so that's actually the main reason I ate any fruits today. Later on she texted me that she didn't want to fast anymore, so I was like, uh, okay.

This morning I finally finished Talentless Nana, or at least caught up to the latest point of the manga. Finally. I don't know what's up with me, but if I get really interested in a story, I read or watch it to the end or to the latest point. This is very dangerous because I have read some stories like Hajime no Ippo to 1000+ chapters, and that takes a lot of time. I could have done other things in the morning but I just had to catch up even though nothing in the story would actually change my life or anything.

Superpowered people are just regular people with superpowers. Yeah some of them could go back in time, some of them could resurrect the dead, some are immortal, but they were just regular people too. I've often thought about the power to travel back in time and what I would do with it. The only thing I could do with it really is to influence some human events, and that's it. I think all historical events and so on, are kind of arbitrary too.

They are arbitrary that we place importance on them, what makes this one event in history more sacred than another? In reality, nothing, just arbitrary attachments to arbitrary events. It doesn't matter how important it was or anything, the people at the time probably didn't think it was so special and that it was another arbitrary event. If history changed one way or another due to what I did in the past, it would just be more arbitrary events causing other arbitrary events.

The same goes for people, there's so many freaking people. I used to believe, back in high school, that I was such a unique individual bound to leave an impact on the world. A lot of things were brand new to me and things I had never experienced before. Even visiting a brand new city or visiting a new high school I'd never been to before for Science Olympiad competitions, and meeting people there, and so on, that was so much fun back in the day. When I met someone new, I would think they were so unique and cool, here's this person and they got everything going well for them.

I think that's only in high school and maybe college. Everything does seem to go your way during those ages, you have your parents fully taking care of you, you have exceptional youth of the time. You are a clean slate and everything is open, you can be anything, you can do anything, the entire future is ahead of you. And at that point in time, you still haven't experienced everything yet, you can't be bored because there's still so much mystery in the world. Well, because of how widely read I am now, I pretty much read at least a small amount of things on any topic in the world, pretty much no topic can catch me by surprise, everything is boring to me now. I still want to leave my impact on the world of course, but just knowing too much can sometimes be harmful.

I've also traveled the world, seen pretty much every place. Even if I haven't been to a place, based on my experiences to all the places I have been to, I can just extrapolate all the videos, photos, etc, I have of a place, and imagine myself as if I were really there, and it would be basically similar to actually being there. Traveling sort of becomes boring when viewed that way, right? Honestly visiting some famous monuments for the first time was breathtaking, but I've been to a bunch now, and so it'll take a bit more to impress me. Something I have never done before though was to travel with a lover. That would be amazing. I would be amazed every second.

It is kind of weird how bored I am of everything now, and how little motivation I have for some things I used to enjoy. I remember uploading my first YouTube video when I was in 7th grade, back in 2006 when YouTube was practically brand new. I think there are honestly very few people like me who used YouTube since it came out in 2005, but yeah I was one of the earliest users. I was pretty early to a lot of things too though, not just YouTube, but a lot of other sites and services too.

Anyway, I remember playing this game called Survival Project, dang I still remember some of the characters like Shamoo the witch, Sven the viking, Roland, Hawk, etc. My memory is pretty good for something that happened in 2006, I can't believe I remember such details, and I remember those racing games and free for all matches and one on one duels, and the cards and dungeon runs and stuff like that. It was fun. Anyway someone made a game room called something something "will be recorded on YouTube!" and I wanted to join that game room so badly and be in a YouTube video! It was serendipity, but the game room was already filled and I never got to join it.

The idea of being in a YouTube video kept in my mind the whole time though. A few months later I guess, I downloaded Fraps and recorded me winning some Warcraft 3 games. There was one game in particular that I dominated in, it was called Starcraft Zone Control or something like that, and it was my first time playing that map. Even though I had never played it before, for some reason I played at a godly level basically, and I caught it on video, I would do things like surround opponents and stuff like that, did that like 20+ times in this one game, and I basically completely dominated. It has never happened since that I dominated so much in one game, but it happened there as I was recording.

After doing some video editing, literally learning how to do it all on my own, because there weren't any YouTube tutorials or anything at the time, I uploaded that video to YouTube and Google Video. Both of these were separate sites back then, and both were popular. Both had really bad interfaces to be honest. I could make a website better than both of those sites at the time, now, with my current skill and knowledge, and if I could time travel back all the frameworks and other technologies that make all this easier today. Anyway that video got like 300 views on the first day which is pretty crazy, I mean even today a first time YouTube uploader would be lucky to get like 100 views, but back then it was even harder to get that many.

Anyway I make more videos. Somehow I hit the lottery with one and it blew up to over 100,000 views in like the first week. How the heck did I do that? I think that was all luck. I was in like my 5th week of 7th grade at this point and I was getting and views attention and respect from people much older. I hung out with some people in their mid 20s in fact, and like, I am older than them now. I am referring to the people who ran Mirandas Private Server, which is also the name of the video I made that went viral in 2006. I only knew them as Miranda and Hades, and they knew me only as Yep. They made me an admin of their server as a 13 year old, and that was so meaningful to me back then.

I was so freaking stupid as a 13 year old though, wow. I had just turned 13 basically when I put up that video, if it were only like 3 weeks earlier, then I could have bragged that I was 12 years old when I did these things. I was suicidal at times as a 13 year old though. I can't name the person, I could, but I won't, but I told them I wanted to commit suicide back when I was a 13 year old and they basically taunted me to do it, and then that's what discouraged me from doing it. There were some other good events that year I guess. Time went by so slowly, and every day was completely brand new. Everything was a totally brand new experience.

At 15, I got my first .com domain name, JustMegawatt.com. I think I convinced my parents to pay for it or something, I don't remember. Previously I had been using "coolmegg.tk" as my first domain, which I registered back in like 5th grade or something. The .tk domain name was special and free at the time, but it became more and more infamous because a lot of virus and other such sites used the .tk free top level domain.

Anyway what was I getting at? I just feel bored. I worked on Vegpal the whole day today basically. I am exhausted, even though I didn't do much physically, I guess I am mentally exhausted from all that work and fatigue that's built up.

I want a girlfriend. I hope Wahl and I do meet up soon, in like a week or two. If we start dating and become a couple, I just want to give her all that I can, I want to give her all the affection I can. I hate being alone. I don't know how people do it. I’m so glad to have met her and I hope she reciprocates the feelings I have for her. I haven’t really been doing this at all before, only like a week ago did I start, but I’ve been checking out her photos and posts a lot more often and I’ve just been falling more and more for her.

I kind of have been rejected so many times or had a falling out so many times that I’m tired of it. I mean I’ve also done my own share of rejecting and losing interest, but yeah it really doesn’t feel good at all. I feel like I can be and give so much to someone.

Today I cleaned up all the dishes and some other chores. Anyway I am so sleepy.

I want to fast so I can lose weight, I will probably fast again starting tomorrow, and do it for a week or more, until Wahl and I meet up. We still haven't gotten an exact date yet. People fast for spiritual reasons mainly, but I'm doing it for the appearance improvement.

Anyway I am so freaking sleepy. It is 10:37 PM. I've been typing for over an hour and I am exhausted yet again. I was already exhausted before I started typing, but now even more so.

Anyway I am going to sleep, that was my day today.

Written by JustMegawatt

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