6:21 PM
Well I’m bored out of my mind again. I did 100 knuckle push ups again today, and 60 arm curls with 25 pound weights for each arm. I can basically do chin ups now, almost all the way from the bottom, but I still kind of have to bounce off the ground a little to do it.
I want to attempt walking 100,000 steps tomorrow but there’s not really a great place to do it. Maybe I can just do it indoors?
I walked for a few hours today outdoors, the plan was that I would go over to Aloe’s today and she would give me a haircut and beard trim, which we agreed to this yesterday. She messaged me and told me she went out of town last night and wouldn’t be home until 4 PM later today. Anyway I already drove to her city by around 9 AM and it’s like a 30 minute drive, so I just walked around the 6 mile park since I was already here anyway.
I listened to a female relationship book during the whole two hour walk. I had listened to male relationship books before and it’s just all about how to approach women basically, some of them were about how to be an “alpha male”, others were about how to be a “bad boy” and so on. I dislike those kinds of books because they’re so superficial and stupid. If a guys goal is to just get with as many women as possible, then those are probably okay books. I’m not really looking for that though. I just want a best friend basically who also happens to be female so we can have some extra fun that I am not interested in doing with other guys. Is that too much to ask?
I want to be me. At the same time I just really hate being alone. How does anyone do it? I can’t relate. It’s so hard being alone, even though technically I am successful and have many great friends and connections and family members, I am alone in the physical and relationship sense. Like I can’t hug anyone right now or anything, I can’t physically talk to anyone, I can just type stuff on my phone and that’s it. Maybe call someone. But yeah. I’m freaking lonely, it sucks.
So anyway as I walked outside for a couple of hours, a bit over two hours, I listened to a dating audiobook for women and it made so much sense. I know the troubles that women have with men now and how to communicate things better as the man. My mom called me near the end and she started telling me to wear a hat next time because of the sun. I was very nonchalant and dismissive and yeah. Later on I would find out that my face got sunburnt. Ouch.
Anyway in a partner I think being attractive is nice, but I think that matters to me far less than our compatibility in all other areas. Like I would not dislike my best friend just because they did not look attractive or if they suddenly look less attractive than they used to. As long as I really really vibe and like the person and we can trust each other fully with our lives, like I don’t really care how they look at that point. I think Wahl’s appearance is a 10/10, but all other intangible concepts matter far more, and if she did start to look less attractive but still had those other qualities I admire, then it wouldn’t matter. I want a best friend.
So yeah I got sunburnt today on my face. I cleaned up my home a lot this morning too. My home is pretty clean now. I also ordered and got food from Thai Rico PR, which is a vegan Thai food business here in PR. I loved their sticky rice and mango and whatever else I ordered, I don’t even remember their names because they were Thai.
So the plan was for me to go over to Aloe’s at like 5 PM and get a haircut there, she texted me at 4 PM for my location though and I was like I thought I was gonna drive there. She was like nope, change of plans basically. Uh ok. I’m kinda tired of these last second change of plans. I had a sunburnt face and kinda hated how I looked so I didn’t want anyone to see, so I just told her that and maybe next time.
What else happened… I guess that was all for now.
Yeah I’m kinda bored and lonely. My home is clean now at least. Still got some more cleaning to do but it’s mostly done.
I bought some sunscreen online but it’s gonna be hard to apply to my face since I have a full beard now and all.
I talked to AJN and Don again randomly throughout the day. They message me every now and then. I’m glad for them. I’m glad I have people like that who message me without me messaging them first, and don’t mind me messaging them whatever I want.
Oh yeah I also weighed the least again this morning. 180.3 pounds. I set yet another record for my lowest weight so far this year.
Anyway it’s 7:32 PM now and I am still extremely bored. What am I going to do now? Probably watch some anime or read some manga I guess. There’s honestly not much else I want to do. I get that time is so valuable and all that, but I also need some motivation and energy and concentration, right now I have kinda already used up all of that throughout the day today. So yeah I’m done, don’t feel like doing anymore chores or working anymore the rest of the day.
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