rachelrae2003's Online Journals and Diaries

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Dear Little One (January 9, 1:23pm- A Letter from the War Across Time)

I have decided to start publishing my creative writings. Below is the first one I published https://medium.com/@rachelcalkins22 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear little one, I write to you to share joyous news. Though the war wages on...

Comments: 0 Words: 727

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Jan. 9, 2026

Today was alright

I don't have much to write about today, it has been a very productive day and week. I am close to hopefully getting a proper diagnosis and hopefully treatment with that for whatever is going on with me. I also put in a request for reasonable accommodations to the place where I live so hopefully tha...

Comments: 2 Words: 91

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Jan. 7, 2026

Heavy is the Crown That Sits on The Head of The Eldest Daughter (TW)

When I was a little girl, you’d brush my hair on your good days, and back then I didn’t understand. You hurt me, you were angry, and I know you’re sorry- I forgive you. Hold on, and bear with me through this. This isn’t about shame, this is about healing. Two things can be true at the same time. An...

Comments: 1 Words: 1472

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Jan. 6, 2026

Another Me, In Another Universe. Maybe, In Another Life- Things will Play out Differently.

Sometimes I think about another version of me, in another universe. A version of me who never had to feel afraid in her own home. She grew up safe, nurtured, loved. Her mother would brush her hair every night and sing to her about how beautiful and strong she is. She was never brainwashed with r...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Jan. 4, 2026

Machine Learning

Don't stare at them for too long, Smile some but not too much. And sing the words to that song, But only the chorus It doesn't really matter what you want. Memorize the manual You're hopeless on your own If you make it look natural, Then nobody will know. The story of the robot, Who know's they'll...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Jan. 2, 2026

(Trigger Warning) I'm terrified

..... ..... ..... ...... ..... .... .... ... .... .... .... .... I will not survive ending up homeless. Living in the elements I will not survive. I am going to die if I can't figure something out. I don't want to die at 23. I am turning 23 next year. I want to live to see 30, 40, 50 and so ...

Comments: 4 Words: 370

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 27, 2025

Progress Finally!

Okay so I have started a symptom journal and I have been able to identify a few triggers, I just started the journal. I have been discussing with others in the chronic illness community and doing research and getting tests and seeing doctors. But it seems I am making progress. Likely what is going ...

Comments: 2 Words: 241

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 26, 2025

I feel like I'm dying and these doctors won't do sh*t

What is HAPPENING to me???? WHY CAN'T ANY OF THESE DOCTORS FIGURE OUT WHAT TF IS WRONG WITH ME????? THE RHEUMATOLOGIST DIDN'T EVEN ORDER A RHEUMATOLOGY PANEL LIKE WHY??? ISN'T THAT THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO SEEING A NEW PATIENT WHO HAS NEVER SEEN A RHEUMATOLOGIST BEFORE OR HAD THAT PANEL OF BLOO...

Comments: 2 Words: 609

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 23, 2025

I'm so tired. I just want to go home.

I'm so tired. Just a heads up I don't want advice for this, so if anyone is going to comment with advice I appreciate it but I would rather you just not comment please. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to go home. I've been saying that for 6 years now but I don't have a f...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 22, 2025

Play Pretend Cannot Last Forever

Play Pretend Cannot Last Forever  (December 17, 2025) You. You monsters. You promised me that you would help me, fix me, heal me, save me. So you dragged me within the jaws of those prisons you call hospitals.  But did you ever once ask, about the shattered pieces of my childhood digg...

Comments: 4 Words: 1151

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 17, 2025

I'm Too Young To Be This Sick

I don't think people fully comprehend when I tell them I am in a lot of pain. I think because I have such a high pain tolerance they have a hard time comprehending how much pain I'm in because they don't see me crying on the floor. So I have started using more descriptive methods and imagery to hel...

1 - Views: 17

Comments: 4 Words: 882

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 13, 2025

Working on My Book

I have started working on editing and formatting my book. I have been working on putting together a compilation of the poems and creative writings I wrote for my inner child. I am going to title it "Unwavering Phoenix" and I am also including little journaling prompts sections at the end of each poe...

Comments: 2 Words: 385

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 31) - Dec. 6, 2025

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