Journaling: Day three

My space is coming along! I will include before photos, and upon completion, after photos. I cannot believe that this is working for me! I have been in a total burn out for more than three years and for the first time in many years, I feel like I’m the one in control of my space! 

I started first by just figuring out how to drink water every day. I sat around and counted water intake. I did this for a couple of months before I was ready to add anything more to it. I’ve been able to focus on and maintain medical appointments for myself and my daughter. psychiatric appointments for myself and my daughter. Meals each day for myself and building a cleaning ritual that I can maintain for myself when I get overwhelmed and overdo it, it throws me into a neurological meltdown, and I end up having to start from scratch all over again after a couple weeks of doing nothing at all. Maybe getting out in the woods which is my usual “go to” but now, because of autoimmunity and migraines, any insect bite, usually puts me out of commission for several weeks. So even going out into the woods and hiking is causing crippling anxiety for me. The healing process has taken a long, long time, and my family just doesn’t understand. They keep trying to add more on top of what I’m trying to do. Forcing me to do things their way and in their time adding task after task and not respecting boundaries when I say “I’m not doing it” and when I tell them, I have finally found a method that is working, they treat me with a complete lack of respect, like I am overly sensitive, exaggerating, and lying. I’ve also been treated like a hypochondriac. Thank God for my medical doctor and multiple hundreds of hours of therapy. I likely have a crippling migraine condition, combined with autoimmunity, as stated by my doctor at my last appointment. What I understand at this point is that when I take on more than what my brain can handle, I end up with a migraine almost immediately, and it impacts my entire body! I get the migraine, and then I end up with a migraine hangover that triggers multiple systems within my body and the pain load is so heavy that I’m unable to focus to do anything in my life. all because I’m already overwhelmed and my sister needs what she needs and needs it now! She doesn’t understand neurological conditions at all or the importance of me only doing what I have the capacity to handle at this point. My capacity will continue to increase if I am allowed to do this in a way that works for me. If I am not given the opportunity to do this, my capacity decreases significantly. Grrrr I’m frustrated! And then, BURNOUT and eating of the feeling!!!