Go to bed Geneva

Add to tonight’s journal:

I complete most things I’ve committed to. Eating in the morning is an issue. Others NOT being ready or assuming things have changed when they have not sends me into a tail spin. It seriously messes up the rest of my day. When I’m already feeling like I’m a whorling dervish and it’s only 8:20am, it worries me for the rest of my day. BE THE OBSERVER GENEVA! NO NEED TO RUIN YOUR WHOLE DAY.

and then…

I read, wrote, crochet, worked, cooked a 3 course shrimp dinner, baked a chocolate créame cake (keto style) and all from scratch. Still, I feel I’m in over my head and on the verge of flipping the fuck out almost 100% of the time lately. I feel like, if I keep going this way and try to keep pushing through and doing it ALL (but still not doing my passions), my mind will turn on me and shut down my body again. Is it true that I can either have my special interests, or I get to work a part time, min wage job?! For real! This has become my life’s work. Ugh💔 Why does it have to be either/or. I melt down, over and over, until eventually, a total shut down takes me over. Working a single, part time job, throws my body into physical chaos before it attacks my mind, which then attacks my body… and on it goes. Confusion and chaos. Migraines and intestinal, back, neck and jaw pain. During a really bad stint, my hip knee, ankle and all my toes feel broken. It all too much sometimes.