July 3, 2020

Gender Expression

I woke up late since I missed my alarm. I tried on some clothing that my housemate is giving away and got some pretty cool shirts, a skirt, and a dress. Some of the items might not seem to suit me. Currently I'm at odds with my self image. I'm transgender (FtM) and I experience dysphoria which has improved with hormone replacement therapy. I am on a decent dose every other week and I'm due for my shot this weekend. I wonder if that's why I'm feeling this way, since it's towards the end of the cycle when my body is lower on testosterone. I'm getting more comfortable with identifying as non-binary even though I have transitioned to some extent and I am definitely not female. I looked at myself in the mirror while I tried on the dress, chest unbound, goatee and hair have been growing out since quarantine.....and I didn't hate it. I only thought that other people would, or that I would be seen as a freak. But damn it, I'm an adult and can decide what makes me comfortable in my own body, even if it doesn't fit in with being transgender in some people's eyes. I am trans enough. Even though pride month has ended, I should still be proud of the steps I've taken to become happy with who I am.

Written by iyazo

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