I fell asleep last night at around 11:30 PM, maybe 12 AM actually, and I woke up this morning at around 6 AM. Yeah I need to sleep a bit earlier. I tried to sleep earlier last night but it took me a while to write last night's entry.
Anyway this morning I worked on my logs first thing, before doing anything else, and was able to finish just a few minutes ago. I would say it took about 4-5 hours split between two days to fully catch up on around 90 or so log entries. I caught up on around 30 days worth of selfies, all I ate today pictures, and weight loss log pictures, totalling around 90 entries.
According to my planner there's two other things I need to catch up on: journal entries and finances. After that I'm caught up on everything. It would basically be like having a clean slate, because my mind wouldn't be filled with a backlog of tasks anymore.
It was a pretty surreal experience catching up on those log entries this morning, because I didn't think it would be possible. If you asked me last week if I thought I would be able to catch up on all the log entries I was behind on, I would have said no way. There were too many entries and too many pictures to sift through, over 1000 photos (it's roughly 10-30 photos a day, so more like 1800 photos). Yet somehow I was able to complete that today. It's a good relaxed feeling of accomplishment.
However I do feel bad about something this morning. I think another member left the site because of me. Anyway I learned my lesson there, I feel a little bad about it. Sigh, there's nothing I can really do about the situation though. Yeah I'll just move on from it.
Four Day Streak
In other news it's been around 4 days since I cut my hair. I cut my hair on July 4th 2020 so I guess that's an easy day to remember. It's also been 4 days since I last did anything regretful. Watching "entertainment" like videos, shows, movies, etc. is what I've been saying I've been avoiding, but those really aren't that bad. Apart from those things I've also avoided something far worse than those things for 4 days, and I've been feeling really serene since yesterday. Just an overall calm and relaxed feeling. I can barely feel my heart beating right now, I think my blood pressure is at a very low healthy range and my resting heart rate should be very low too. It's like a "high" relaxed feeling. I would say I don't feel like this normally.
Anyway I have about 45 minutes left before work starts for me, so I'm going to work on catching up on my journal entries for the remainder of the time. Later this evening I'll work on catching up on my finances, and then I should be caught up on basically everything. I'll just have some homework to finish tonight, and then I'll basically be a clean slate. I could just study from then on, and not have to worry about anything else. Of course I still have to keep updating my logs since my logs should be updated daily, but I don't have a backlog of things to worry about anymore.
Catching up on Journal Entries
I thought I was only a little behind on journal entries. I was able to catch up on three of them, entries which were basically just set to private, and so I either wrote a public version only putting in the public stuff, or I just made the entry public if it was appropriate. What I didn't expect was that I would have almost an entire month of missing entries. From April 15th to April 24th, there was a 10 day gap for some reason. Another gap from April 25th to May 1st. Then a gap from May 2nd to 5th. Some individual gaps like April 12th and May 6th also exist.
I think that's all though. I don't know what happened in April that caused those missing journal entry gaps, because I didn't write a journal entry for those days. It's sort of like a paradox or maybe a catch-22. If I wrote an entry for those days, then I would know why I have those journal entry gaps, but then I wouldn't have any entry gaps, and so I wouldn't now have to write an entry for those days. Cool right?
Anyway my plan is later this evening to read through my web browsing history, any text messages or emails, from those days in order to paint a picture of what happened. I doubt anything remarkable happened though, but still it is quite the mystery.
I ended up catching up on my finances today and I managed to finish some school homework. Also the user I thought left is back :) woohoo! I learned my lesson there, I'll just myob most of the time now.
Work was okay today. It passed by pretty quickly, and then I started working on my finances after. I did not even get to go outside because I was so busy working on my own things.
Today Was Almost Perfect
I wanted to get done with my logs, finances, and journal entries today. That was the plan. I was able to get both my logs and finances completed, both of which were pretty big efforts, with the logs taking up the most effort. I worked through probably over 1500 photos for those logs, and I uploaded all of those in a span of 4-5 hours split between two days. That's a mammoth effort. My finances just took like 3-4 hours but I managed to finally catch up on everything I needed to there too. The only thing left are my journal entries, of which I have around 20 missing entries. I need to dig around my browsing history, emails, messages, etc, in order to find out what I did on those days. That will be hard to do, too.
Relapsed Four Times
However I do want to divulge a mistake I made today, and that is I relapsed four times. I made it four days in and then I relapsed. There's a bunch of stuff I quit since cutting my hair. I quit TV, games, movies, shows, and every other form of entertainment. There was just one piece of entertainment though that really took a hold of me today. I quit that, because I had an addiction to it. My addiction was so bad I'd fall to it 1-2 times a day every day, sometimes more. But I quit that and I haven't done it in four days, until today.
I don't feel so "high" anymore after relapsing to that activity. I did not relapse on any of the others though, so my concentration is still really high. Today I ate some food without watching anything or reading anything or doing anything else, I just sat there and ate. How many other people can do that? Due to my high concentration I was able to work on my finances and then my homework right away after that. I would not have been able to do that just a week ago. The reason I was so behind on those things is because I wasn't able to concentrate fully.
Anyway I consider relapsing a part of the recovery process. I was fully aware and awake to every step of the way I took to relapsing, and so I can take preventive measures to getting there next time. One mistake I made yesterday was I wrote about how "I hope I don't relapse tomorrow" because that was basically wishing for it to happen. Anyway i wrote a lot more detail about my relapses in a private entry.
Plans for Tomorrow
For the rest of tonight I'm going to study for around 10-20 minutes before going to sleep. I'm really exhausted but tomorrow is a new day. I'll try to do as much as I can. I'll probably wake up at around 6 AM again. When I wake up tomorrow I'll work on catching up on as many journal entries as I can. I plan on finishing that morning hopefully. After that work will start, and I have my own plan for work too. After work if I'm caught up on my journal entries, I'll complete the homework assignment for tomorrow, and then just cram studying the rest of the time.
We'll see how well I follow this plan tomorrow. It makes sense to me as I write it, and it sounds doable, but we'll see if it actually happens.
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