July 15, 2020

Recovering Again With Chronic Illnesses

I really overdid it yesterday for my son's birthday. Of course, it doesn't take much for me to overdo things. I'm so out of shape now from literally just sitting around for nearly a year. I've gained a ton of weight which makes everything harder on my back and knees. Ugh.

After my horrible headache subsided last night, I ended up staying awake until 2am playing on my phone and trying to destress. Eventually, I fell asleep, but I was so sore, I didn't sleep well. I didn't get up until 10am this morning which is late for me.

I'm aching all over and almost didn't go down for already-made coffee because the thought of going up and down the stairs was exhausting. Not to mention having to deal with my kids. My "adult" children are on my last nerve. Well, the oldest. She lives here rent free so she can save up and/or use her money on her son or to find a better-paying job. I'm fine with that. We lived off and on with my dad when the kids were little.

I think I owe my dad an apology because I'm sure I drove him nuts, too.

I'm just sick of her attitude. She doesn't help around the house because she's busy with the baby but doesn't actually do much with him. She just doesn't want to do chores (never has and never will). Naturally, the kids that do the chores (17 and 14) are also fed up with her. It causes numerous arguments. The tension is high in the house which I can't deal with. My depression spirals out of control and it's just not good.

Anyway, I eventually ventured downstairs for coffee, and immediately had to deal with the oldest daughter arguing with the 10yo (she fights constantly with him for some reason--she's 20-years-old for crying out loud). I managed to get my coffee and get back upstairs before I got too stressed out, but then the 10yo came up later and the baby followed him so I had both in my room. The 10yo wanted to read his new book but will only read if someone is listening. The baby was getting into everything.

Then my daughter had to get ready for work anyway. The 10yo decided he was done trying to read when she left for work, and I was alone babysitting again. Utterly exhausted physically and mentally and left with a tired, cranky toddler to deal with. Ugh.

I did manage to get him to fall asleep and put him down on the bed of blankets I made. About 20 minutes later my husband got home so I had to start cooking dinner.

I'm really drained now and all I did was put the food in the Instant Pot. I still have to actually prepare the meal later when the meat is done cooking. With everyone in the living room, talking over each other. The noise gets to me. My brain tries to track every conversation plus the TV is on (and sometimes a game and/or music at the same time). It's too much to process which overloads my senses. It's mentally exhausting to be around a lot of people.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Written by justanotherjen

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