July 19, 2020

Another Step Back

I guess five hours of board gaming was too much for my body. Or maybe it's because I got invested in this new sweater I'm making my grandson and stayed up to finish the back which meant it was after 3am when I went to bed.

Either way, I woke up feeling like crap and have only gotten worse as the day went on. It was nearly 10:30am when I woke this morning. That's an hour later than normal. It threw my whole day off, especially since I didn't feel rested at all. I had hoped to play more games with Jack, but I knew I couldn't handle as much as I did yesterday so I stayed in my room instead of going downstairs to start coffee. I knew as soon as he saw me up, he'd be on my case about the games or the picnic I suggested.

I figured, if he came upstairs for something, I'd tell him to set a game up then I'd come down. But he didn't come up. I guess there was an update to one of his Roblox games that has him interested right now. I'm still worried about him and his mental health. All the kids, really, but the older kids are still going out and doing stuff with friends (I can't stop them so instead I have anxiety about them bringing COVID home to me) so they're not as bad off.

I did eventually go downstairs because my oldest got home from work and brought the baby back from his dad's house. She has to immediately shower before she'll touch him so I had to babysit for a bit. Of course, all he did was cry and fuss which meant finding him a snack because I'm mentally not with it today to watch him. Jack didn't even get on my case about the games or picnic while I found something for the baby to eat. I did tease him about not making me any coffee so he said he should learn to use the coffee pot. How sweet.

Thankfully, the oldest got the baby right after her shower because she missed him so I went back to knitting and trying to not fall asleep. Except, I was so out of it, I kept messing up the pattern. I had to redo the ribbing twice already then found mistakes two or three other times necessitating ripping back at least a row of stitches each time. I nearly lost it when I realized I had done about 11 rows of the main pattern with the wrong size needles because my fogged brain forgot to switch when I was done with the ribbing.

I managed to stay calm and not cry because the piece is only 28 stitches wide. It wouldn't be too much work to rip it all out again. But I also managed to pull it out only to the ribbing without losing any stitches and start the main part over with the correct needles. I've still messed it up several times since then but caught myself before I got more than a few stitches into the mistake.

I probably shouldn't be knitting right now. I'm just too slow and... I don't know the word to describe what it feels like. Sluggish, I guess. It's hard to focus.

But I don't know what else to do with my time. I'm so bored. I can't just watch TV without doing something with my hands. I'll last like five minutes before turning the show off. Maybe I have ADHD on top of everything else.

I'm going to try and keep at the knitting anyway, even though I keep screwing it up. Hopefully, I won't mess it up too badly. It's a small piece of a sweater for my grandson so should knit up quickly enough. I need things that can be finished easily and quickly to keep my attention (ADHD again?) or I give up. I have so many unfinished projects.

I'm rambling again because my brain is all fuzzy. I forgot what I was talking about to begin with and what I meant to write about when I started the journal. Typical. Sigh.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better again. I hate these days when I'm just drowsy from start to finish because I get nothing accomplished.

Written by justanotherjen

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