Mental Health Journey 30

Currently listening to: Sacrifice by London After Midnight

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I am back, everyone! Hello!

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My period pain is killing me. Well, not literally, but it makes my depression worse than before. I feel worse about myself, and I feel bad about the fact that I am unable to do many things. I need to visit the doctor and discuss the issues. I was thinking about taking birth control, even though I refused to do so. I guess having pain changes how you view certain topics.

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Mental health:

After discussing my physical health, I am now talking about my mental health. Spoiler: it's not better than my physical health. The last few days, I struggled with both my period pain and my depression. I found out I am suffering from internalised ableism. Now I need to find a way to fight these thoughts. I have been treated for depression for quite a long time. Unfortunately, I was not treated for the main cause, adhd and (probably) autism. My main goal rn is to ask my doctor for antidepressants and to tell him everything I know so far about my depression. This is one step to prepare for one thing I want to apply for.

As I mentioned before, I struggle a lot with internalised ableism. Yesterday I found a book in my favourite bookshop about that kind of topic, written by a queer person. I have only read the introduction so far, and I relate so much to the author's experience. I am looking forward to continuing to read the book.

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Special interest:

New category for my daily entries!

I am currently having an emotional state where I am experiencing so much joy (Kinda ironic because I am having a depressive episode). I am currently reading queer manga. Last night I started reading a book about quantum computing. It's so interesting so far, and it's easy to understand. I love books about such topics, which are easy to read, because I struggle a lot with reading.

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A few things I enjoyed:

• my painkillers are finally working!
• the nice drink I drank today
• listening to music
• to annoy my favourite person
• to read the book about quantum computing

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Conclusion:

• go to the doctor! It's important for your health!
• Open up to close people (This is one thing I need to learn because I struggle a lot with it)
• Find things you enjoy doing

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That's it for today.

See you soon!