July 23, 2020

Slow Day With Chronic Illnesses

After babysitting and all the chores I did yesterday, I decided to take it easy today even though I had the urge to clean more stuff.

I first woke up at 7:30 because I remembered it was trash day but found my husband had actually put the cans out before he left for work. He even took all the glass bottles out (they've been piling up because they're always forgotten on the recycling truck only comes every other week). So, I got up for nothing. I decided to just go back to bed and ended up sleeping until nearly 11am instead.

That kind of threw my day off. It's worse because my overhead light still isn't fixed. Here it is at 8pm, and the sun is starting to go down. It'll be too dark in my room to really do anything in about an hour. So annoying.

I did manage to unload and load the dishwasher. And I got to say goodbye to my grandson. I happened to go downstairs while his dad was here picking him up for the weekend. I warned him about how the baby didn't nap at all yesterday so good luck with that, lol. And he (Dad) helped me pick up the mess the baby had made with his toys. I'm usually asleep when the baby leaves so I miss him for nearly four days. As exhausting as it is running after a toddler, it's too quiet here without him.

After the baby left and I did the dishes, I just sat downstairs chatting with my daughter about the protests in Portland, OR which I've been watching live on Twitter. My 10yo was quite interested in the whole thing, and we talked about how they're living through history instead of just reading about it in books. By the time the 10yo is in high school, they'll probably be studying 2020 in history class. I hope it turns out okay.

At around 1:30pm, I finally decided to go upstairs. I had eaten a small lunch which made me feel sleepy (as usual) despite the nearly full pot of coffee I drank. I really, really wanted to clear out one of the closets or even clean up my bathroom (which is a disgusting mess because there's a litter box in there and bowls of water and cat food that the cats spill everywhere). I probably could have done some of it, but I worry about starting a project knowing I'll have no help and probably not enough energy to follow through. Then I'm stuck with a mess everywhere that I can't clean up. The best I can do is just shove everything back where I found it, defeating the purpose of what I was doing in the first place.

Last winter, I pulled everything out of my closet (which is huge) to organize boxes that were filled with random stuff and had been sitting like that since we moved here in 2016. The boxes sat in the bathroom for about three weeks before I managed to sort and put everything back because I could only work on it for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time before exhaustion set in. But that was in my bathroom--not the main part of the house where everyone has to look at and move around the mess.

If I could just convince people to help me without throwing a fit and needing constant supervision to make sure they're actually doing something, I could get the whole house cleaned up. But my kids are against any kind of work. Well, that's not true. I depend on the 17yo to keep the house clean, but she's not home right now. She's amazing and is always cleaning the kitchen and living room for me. The 14yo also often just cleans the kitchen without being asked. The other two kids that still live at home will refuse to do anything (they're 10 and 20) and make up any excuse to not finish chores. Like I guess my daughter's ex showed up right when she was sweeping up the dining room from breakfast. He left, and she was literally just going to leave the pile of food and start playing Sims until I told her to finish sweeping. She moaned and whined before doing it. Again, she's 20-years-old. And adult with a child of her own, and I had to tell her to finish a chore or it would still be sitting there waiting to be swept when the baby comes back on Sunday. On top of that, she's constantly harassing the 10yo to clean stuff up. Ugh.


Maybe tomorrow I'll tackle the upstairs hallway. It's full of clothes being stored for future use and stuff going to Goodwill except the bags the clothes were in tore open and are now all mixed together. there's so much stuff just shoved in there, the shelves for towels and bedding have shrunk. Also the cats like to sleep in there and get fur all over the clean towels. I want to put the donations in boxes (we now have lots of diaper boxes laying around) and reorganize the towels, bedding and blankets to leave space at the bottom for the cats. Which also means rewashing everything the cats have been laying on. I can't count how many times I've washed this stuff that doesn't fit anyone because it's waiting to go to donations but gets thrown all over the floor.

The closet is right outside my bedroom so I could do a little at a time then come sit down when I'm too tired.

I'm also thinking that maybe the next time I'm feeling okay and my younger daughters are home, maybe we can clear out and reorganize the kitchen cabinets. I kind of just shoved stuff in them when we moved in and that's where everything has stayed. But it's probably not the best use of the space. Plus they really need to be cleaned.

But here's a problem. I've felt okay or good the last two day so I start to get ideas and plans in my head. Tomorrow, it could all fall apart when I wake up feeling like death and can barely stay awake all day. It's usually what happens. I always end up disappointed and frustrated with myself. I just never know how I will feel and feeling good two days in a row is not a guarantee for the next day.

Written by justanotherjen

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