the human body needs to be reforged

“Pretty shitty day, by the way.”

“Yeah blob.”

Sometimes you can walk 10 steps forward and 0 steps back, but you were so deep in the shit to begin with that you’re still in a shitty place.

“I’m full of…[medical condition] ooooOOOOOooooo”

(The chorus, in the background: “He feels so bad, he feels so bad. He doesn’t feel like such a chad. He feels so bad, he feels so bad, he isn’t in an ambuscade. AMBUSCADE: the premier endgame content in Final Fantasy XI. Do the monthly ambuscade to progress endgame!”)

He once watched an ambuscade youtube video where the streamer was, like, 50 years old. That’s just the typical FFXI playerbase. It’s all guys like Whiskey Nick and ShatteredElysium, reminiscing about how the linkshell was back in the day.

“You ever feel like the human body needs to be reforged? They did such a bad job last time. Let’s remand it. They did such a bad job. They did such a bad job. I’m full of crust (full of crust) full of crust (full of crust) PAN-DE-MO-NI-UM! PAN-DE-MO-NI-UM!”

(Time passes. But not that much.)

“I feel like I’m a big pie crust with no pie inside.”

“Actually, you do have a pie inside. You’re like a calzone.”

“urgggggggggg”

===  

“It’s like, ten thousand years ago, humanity lived peacefully with no crust. But one day, at the forbidden library, boy boy began to research: What if we could use CRUST to enhance our abilities? He created mighty warmachina… But one day, it all went wrong. Crust rained from the sky, blackening the land. ‘What have you done?’ said the people. ‘It used to be bright and now it is dark and crusty.’ boy boy could only hang his head in shame. He sealed himself away, along with the Crust King, for eternity…until now.”