11:08 PM
Sometime last week, I finished the anime Gnosia. This was the last anime I watched around 6 months ago, and I haven't seen any anime until a few weeks ago. I randomly started watching some again, out of boredom. That lead me back to Gnosia last week, and I finished the entire thing.
Just like the anime Yamada-kun and the 7 Wtiches, it concludes with the idea that no one was an enemy at all. Throughout the series, these characters are facing each other and deceiving each other in life or death situations, with the first few episodes making the Gnosia appear like monsters. Near the beginning as well too though, you are given subtle hints that the Gnosia are not so bad after all. The ending is that everyone becomes friends and everyone wins, of course. It's the same conclusion as Yamada-kun.
This is actually applicable in real life as well. No matter our rivalries or hatred towards other people, ultimately they are just mortal and vulnerable, and will be gone someday. We are ultimately all on the same side, and are just expressing it differently.
The only people I somewhat have negative feelings for are those I am envious of, and it's not even their fault, they just have what I don't. I can ultimately attain something similar or better and even surpass them, I have done this several times with people I have been envious of.
I would have negative feelings towards animal abusers (non-vegans), but to me they are just ignorant, and nearly everyone is an animal abuser (non-vegan), so it wouldn't help me to have any animosity towards nearly everyone I see. I just feel pity and sadness for them and the animals, thinking about what more I can do to help these people stop torturing and killing animals.
Other than animal abusers, there are of course abhorrent people who take advantage of others, such as betrayers and backstabbers. Back in elementary school I gave my Runescape account password to a friend, and they emptied my account in middle school. I've played this game since 2003 or so, my account was one of the earliest and had a ton of unique items like a Halloween mask, santa hat, etc. These items alone are worth over $1000 each today. I would have had the scythe as well, but I lost it. I made a lot of trustworthy friends online from Cokemusic and Runescape, and never been scammed, so I thought I could trust one of my best friends in real life with my account. Nope. But still, I don't even have any hatred for them.
A random person from Warcraft 3 gave me their level 106 Runescape account, for a $30 Diablo 2 CD key. I didn't scam or do anything weird with his account, I had access to it for over a year. Even though I changed all of the security details to my own, he took it back at some point with a password recovery. But this was still such a trustworthy trade. I just met this guy in a random Warcraft 3 game, and we were able to successfully trade completely differing objects without a third party escrow, just all on trust. I can't believe this ever happened. It was a very uneven trade too, with me getting everything for next to nothing. He had a full dragon set and tons of rare stuff.
People like AD like to flaunt what they have. He even tells me many times that he wants to "own me" and that's why he has talked to all these girls and sends me screenshots of the DMs they exchanged. It does get me jealous. He constantly brags that he can get any woman to fall for him just by showing her his photo, and talking with his deep voice, and telling them that he is white and from Finland. It does work too. He has even met women making $200k+ per year who will support him and let him live for free. He sends me screenshots of all these compliments he gets, pictures, videos, etc. It makes me so jealous. So jealous. I don't get why he wanted to "own me" so bad and make me feel like shit, but I put up with it because I get exposure to a world I had no idea existed, because I never had that kind of treatment.
Today I had another call with a girl, Sara, and she was so nice. It was a video call so we got to see each other. I pretty much love her already. She's been so kind to me, and likes me. She says I have a good and attractive voice, and I that I look good too. So kind. I want to hug her and kiss her and be romantic with her. We are planning for me to visit her in August. We'll go hiking and dancing together while I stay at her place. She'll visit me next year when she has vacation hours for that.
I think it is so rare for me to talk to any girl, especially one that likes me, so I am just happy when it happens. I don't even know how we first started talking. Most of the time I am just ghosted by every woman I message, but she responds timely and responds nicely. So nice.
It would have been cool if Mandy liked me. She asked if she could live with me last year. I ghosted her. And now she's ghosting me. Maybe I should apologize to her for ghosting her last year when she asked if she could live with me.
Then there's the other girl whose room I visited a couple of years ago but I left while we were both on her bed, because I liked another girl. I should ask her out again. It's been a while so I feel like I don't have any chance, and I feel like she is already dating someone else since it's been two years, but I should still try. Maybe ask her out to a movie.
My concern is that my friendship circle in real life knows both of them too. It kind of feels embarrassing reaching out to them and gossip circulating around. Maybe I should try anyway. I'm not really sure, but I also know that life is so short, and that all these present moments will be long gone history in an instant. I should talk to these people now while we're young, while I still can.
I talked to Vegaani Dragonkin again today, the woman who interviewed me yesterday, just text chatting on Discord. I'll voice chat with her tomorrow, because I want to talk to women. I want to use my voice. She lives in Belgium so I don't have any chance with her, but it's just fun talking. I just enjoy talking to women.
Anyway, I have been exercising for the past week. I don't know if any of my strength or anything has improved. I added lunges and glute bridges today, because I read a Medium article that showed this was a beneficial body weight exercises. I should also add pike push-ups and inverted rows and dips, I just don't have a dip bar. I am not sure if I can do any pike push-ups either. Maybe my form just sucks, but the exercise seems really dumb with barely any movement.
Despite training daily, albeit a small amount of exercises, I don't think I have noticed any improvement. Although there should definitely be improvement. I don't think push-ups have gotten any easier, I don't think pull-ups or chin-ups have gotten any easier. I can still barely do 10 push-ups in a row, I can still barely do 5 pull-ups and 5 chin-ups in a row. It's tiring, but I still do it anyway.
Anyway, that was my day today.
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