Aug. 1, 2020

So Tired Right Now

Well, today didn't go as planned either. I couldn't fall asleep last night and then just as I started to, my cat began acting up because I wasn't paying attention to him at nearly 5 in the morning so I had to get up and let him out of the room. Finally fell asleep but then woke up around 8 because it was hot in the room (the AC went off at some point). Opened the window, went to the bathroom, and decided to go back to bed as I'd had maybe three hours of sleep at that point.

When I woke up again, it was nearly 11am which is way later than I normally get up. I felt like crap. My back and legs are still aching and I feel super bloated. I tend to retain a lot of water when it's hot, but this is getting ridiculous. My legs and feet are so swelled up, it hurts to bend my knees and toes. My fingers also hurt.

It was so bad that around 1pm, I took my blood pressure because hypertension causes swelling. My swelling had started to go down when I began the blood pressure meds. I shouldn't be this swelled up. Sure enough, my blood pressure was 130/80 two hours after taking my meds and having done nothing but sit here for at least an hour before I took the reading. I waited another hour and took it again--134/79. Not good at all. Originally, the doctor wanted me to keep it under 130/90 but that was before she upped my dosage. It should be close to the max "normal" reading of 120/80. I have no idea why it should be this high, but it's really making it hard to do anything.

If the fatigue isn't stopping me from doing stuff then the swelling (and pain that goes with it) is. Which means I get no exercise and gain more weight and swell more and... I can't escape the cycle like this. I'm not supposed to drink caffeine because it'll raise my blood pressure, but because of the fatigue, I can't get through a day without nearly a full pot. Even with all that caffeine, I'm barely awake and functioning. Without it, I'd just be lying in bed, unable to do anything because I feel like I just worked a 16-hour shift. All the time. Napping does nothing for the fatigue. I usually wake up feeling more tired and with a headache.

And now I feel bad complaining about it with two of my kids working a job with 12-hour shifts. In fact, my 20yo worked a 12-hour shift last night, got home around 8pm, slept a few hours then went to her other job, came home long enough to change clothes and grab some food and is going back for another 12-hour shift. She popped in here to grab something out of my bathroom and looked way more bright and busy-tailed than I do after sitting on my butt all day. I hate this.

I've been barely awake since around 2pm so I never got to go to Walmart for my yarn. Maybe if we'd gone right after I got up, but literally within three hour, I felt like I had run a marathon--completely exhausted. Like I said, taking a nap would have done nothing but waste two to three hours of the day. I either wouldn't have actually fallen asleep or would have woke up feeling more tired. I can't win, and it's so frustrating.

My husband did run to Walmart tonight to pick up the ingredients I need to make the pork chops tomorrow. But now I'm stuck on the pattern I'm knitting because I need orange yarn and don't have the right shade. As usual, I have to improvise and jump around the pattern, doing sections until I need the orange yarn then moving on. It's annoying. I probably won't have another chance to go to Walmart until my doctor appointment on Wednesday (first visit with the new psych doctor--ugh). Walmart is on the way home so...

Anyway, I'm now just trying to make it to a decent bedtime (at least 9pm). I tried knitting, but my brain is so foggy, I can't focus on it. Serious cognitive deficiencies at the moment. I'll probably just put something dumb on to watch (like Red vs Blue or RWBY) and just sit here.

Written by justanotherjen

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