Aug. 22, 2020

Safe Place

Today I went hiking on a trail with a friend. There were a lot more people than we were expecting, I guess because it was such a nice day. For the most part people were still social distancing and wearing masks. We ended up leaving after going up to the observatory spot. It was a nice view, but being afraid of heights paired with the tiny voice inside me urging me to just run and jump off the edge of the cliff....I ended up staying back a little bit and sat down until we left. I was a little embarrassed to be out of breath, but I had already done my morning workout to work off some anxiety and then hiked up and down a trail in an N95 mask. My typical workout is a bunch of different stretches, planks, pushups, situps, and squats- nothing special really. I have been trying to get in 60-100 (spread out) per day and with my anxiety I've actually done it the past few days successfully. I can definitely feel it. I'm going to be one fit depressed person lmao

I'm a little anxious because I wasn't able to find a top-up card to refill my phone minutes. I called around to a few places, but the places listed online that should carry the cards don't have them...ugh. So now I have to figure out how I'm going to do therapy on Tuesday.

The people I'm staying with brought up me potentially going to the hospital again because they think I'm putting it off. I guess in a way, I am, because I'm waiting for my next therapy session, to hear from a case worker, and to receive something in the mail before I'm officially moved out of here, as well as actually moving out the last of my belongings. I'm worried they're going to keep trying to push me out even before the end of the month now. Fortunately, the friend I went hiking with at least offered to go to the hospital with me to make sure I'm not turned away for any reason and get stuck there. I'm really praying and hoping for some good luck to come my way. I really need some good news so that maybe I don't have to resort to anything drastic. I really just want a safe place to live.

Written by iyazo

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