Sept. 5, 2020

Another Easy Day

Ahh, the weekend. Before the pandemic and at-home schooling, weekends just kind of blurred with the other days. They really weren't much different to me because I didn't get up in the mornings with the kids and didn't have the energy to push homework issues. I just kind of glided along, hoping no one missed their bus and did enough homework so we didn't look neglectful. I did the best I could with what little energy I have.

Things have completely changed now. There's only been three days of school so far, but my life has flipped because of the pandemic and finally finding a new treatment for my bipolar. I'm get up early every day, and now, I spend several hours every day at the dining room table. Today I was kind of thrown off without that new routine. Weird how I settled in after just three days of it.

Today, I just sat in my room cross-stitching and watching Netflix, alternating contentment and guilt because I kept feeling like I should be doing something. Except, the house is pretty much cleaned up, dishes are done, and I had a headache (eye strain, I think, from the cross stitch). I kept thinking I should be doing something, but I didn't even need to cook dinner tonight because we have so many leftovers from the last week. I guess I could have worked in the yard pulling more weeds, but it was supposed to be hot out. Same with taking a walk.

I almost suggested to the 10yo that we go up the hill or something but decided I should charge my phone first. By the time it was at 100%, my headache had gotten worse with the bright afternoon sun so I never said anything. I think most of my guilt is coming from that because I think he really needed to get out of the house. Every time I went downstairs, he was in tears over some video game he was playing. He obviously needed a break, but there isn't much else to do. Maybe tomorrow after he gets his work done that he didn't do on Friday.

Other than the headache and slight sleepiness (which probably has to do with going to bed at 2am and getting up at 7am), I felt pretty good today. No overwhelming fatigue or needing a nap. I did end up having a cup of coffee at dinnertime so I'd be alert enough to write this journal entry, but I always start to feel really drowsy late at night (again, understandable after getting up so early in the morning).

I need to remember to text my husband in the morning to pick up my meds on his way home from work. For some reason Walgreens put all my new prescriptions on auto-refill. They've never done that before so when I went to order them after realizing I only had three pills left of the one, I was surprised to find them filled and waiting to be picked up. I guess that's good. I guess maybe they were never on auto-fill before because our insurance requires a 30-day supply of meds after the first three months.

I also still need to make an appointment with the psych doctor. I was supposed to go back in 4-6 weeks. It's been a month (today) now and I still haven't brought myself to make an appointment. My husband said he was going to set up a video one but have them call him first so he can ease me into it and hopefully get me over my anxiety. I nearly broke down into tears just talking about it because I could feel the anxiety already building and hate it. It's so stupid.

That was a week ago, but he still hasn't done it, and I can't seem to break past the anxiety to do it. Ugh. I do have a 30-day supply of the meds, so I guess I have time still.

Hopefully, tomorrow goes well enough. I have to get the 10yo to finish up his work (I don't want to leave it until Monday because I was going to grill or something for Labor Day so I'll be busy) and probably fold the clothes in the laundry room. Maybe pull a few weeds or something.

Written by justanotherjen

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