Sept. 16, 2020

Took Another Day Off

I decided not to make a public journal entry yesterday. I did write one (on my writing site), but it wasn't fit for public consumption. Mostly it was just me rambling about random stuff and some story brainstorming. I did all of that while my son was doing his virtual school after I had been up since 5:45am. Because that's when my cat decided he just had to go outside and woke me up.

So by the time my son started school, I had been up for over two hours already. Then when I was making lunch around 11am (while trying to help the 10yo with his homework), my oldest daughter asked me to babysit so she could get some more sleep. She works graveyard shift so had a different sleep schedule than everyone else, including her son. At least she's letting him come downstairs now.

After lunch, the girl turned a movie on to entertain the baby but ended up distracting everyone. Luckily, by then, the 10yo had finished his work. It was after noon and there were two teenagers to babysit so I went upstairs. I didn't even try to do something else. I had been up for seven hours at that point and could barely keep my eyes open. It was nap time.

Of course, naps just do nothing for me. I get so fatigued I can't not nap because I physically can't stay awake, but my brain never shuts down to actually feel rested. I laid in bed until around 3pm (a little over two hours) and woke up with a slamming headache, feeling even more tired. I spent the next hour, trying not to cry from the pain (because that would have made the pain worse) while knitting without moving more than literally possible to create each stitch. It was agonizing.

Eventually, the Aleve I took along with some caffeine finally kicked in around 4pm and the pain subsided, but I was exhausted and distracted the rest of the night.

That's how most of my days go. I do good in the morning right after getting up (usually if I have a ton of coffee, too), but the rest of the day I'm dragging no matter how much coffee I have. I fight falling asleep, unable to focus on anything or be productive in anyway. Right up until 10pm which is when I take my night meds. Then I suddenly get a second wind and can't fall asleep despite my meds normally making me very sleepy. Then I stay up too late which screws up the next day.

On top of that, my legs, feet and fingers are very swelled up. Not sure if that means my blood pressure is up again. I haven't tested it in awhile. I know it means I need to drink more water, but I don't have room in my stomach for the amount of coffee I need to stay awake each day (at least a full pot) and water to flush it all out of my system. Sitting in the hard dining room chair while my son does school work for four hours doesn't help. All the fluids just pool in my legs. My feet ache because they're so swelled. I can't walk properly because it feels like my skin is going to split open. It sucks.

I just can't win.

Written by justanotherjen

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