I finally sucked it up and just opened the app for the clinic I go to. You can do a lot of the appointment making online once you've established care. Unfortunately, the only option for my shrink is a video conference which has been killing my anxiety and making me avoid even attempting to make an appointment. But tonight, I just did it. And I made it for the next available one I could go to--Monday at 11:30am.
My husband said to make it for a Thursday or Friday when he had off and could support me, but I didn't want to wait until next Thursday (which is our oldest son's 19th brithday) afternoon. That would give me even more time to stew in my anxiety. Instead, I chose the next day appointments were available at a time I could do it. The 10yo is done with his main zoom classes at 10am and doesn't have his small group until 12:30 (and those aren't mandatory anyway). I'll just lock myself in my room and hope for the best.
Actually, seeing my son finally adapt and get used to talking during his zoom meetings has helped. Of course, he prefers to hide in my room while I sit at the dining room table but whatever gets him through the meeting. And if he can do it, then I can do it, too.
With the main thing scheduled and out of the way, I decided to see what I could do about going back to my primary doctor. I could make in-person appointments for her and they had spots open tomorrow. Why not? Let's get it out of the way instead of sitting around all weekend, waiting. So I go tomorrow at 11:40am to see her to talk about the continued swelling in my legs, feet and hands that is making it impossible to do anything (my feet get so bad, I can't bend my toes and can't stand with my feet flat so I'm walking on the outsides of them... it sucks).
I also want to get a referral to be tested for sleep apnea because there has to be a reason I wake up even more tired than when I lie down. And I'm usually so tired when I lie down, I physically can't stay awake anymore. It doesn't matter how much I sleep or nap, I never feel rested when I wake up. I can't keep going like this. The fatigue is killing me and so far treating my other issues isn't changing my sleep problems.
I might also ask for more bloodwork because I've started chewing ice again which is a warning sign for iron deficiency. Every single time I was ever able to successfully treat my anemia, the first thing that happened was I completely lost interest in chewing ice. Suddenly having the craving back is a bad sign. Not sure if she will okay the bloodwork on just that symptom alone when apparently everything checked out fine when they did labs at the hospital back in April. But it's worth a shot, I guess.
And maybe I can sneak my flu shot in while I'm there. It'll be my first time getting one. Normally, I just hope for the best because of my anxiety towards doctors (nothing against the shot--I'm all for it). I want to be more proactive, though.
Now, I just have to make it through the next few days without my anxiety going crazy, worrying about the video appointment. Tomorrow's appointment should be fine because I'm used to that office (which is in town so I should be able to drive myself).
Hopefully, they can figure out what is going on with me. According to my blood pressure monitor, my stats are only slightly high once I take my pill for the day, but the swelling has not subsided. And my depression is back. Well, it was never fully gone, but I was slowly starting to feel better and have more energy. In the last week or two, though, I've been sliding backwards again. I'm just tired all of the time and have little motivation to do anything. I just want to sleep except I don't feel rested so I get frustrated. Mondays are usually good, but by Wednesday, I'm starting to drag. By Friday, I'm barely functioning again. I snap at everyone because I'm so tired and depressed.
I did get more writing done today (third day in a row) so that's kept my spirits up a bit. It almost feels "normal." Almost.
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