Oct. 2, 2020

Tried to Have a Nice Visit

Yesterday was my oldest son's birthday. He turned 19. Today he came over for dinner. He pretty much moved out when school closed back in March, graduated in June, and officially, picked up the rest of his stuff last month. I don't get to see him often so I said I'd make him anything he wanted for dinner.

This is a risky promise as I never know how I'll feel day to day, and I agreed to it yesterday morning. Luckily, I felt well enough this morning to run to the store to get the stuff I needed to make his dinner (chicken parmesan sliders). But then things started to go downhill. I had lunch which is back to making me feel drowsy. I ended up having to take a nap after that, but as usual, I couldn't sleep. It didn't help that someone opened my door at least four times in about an hour.

I got up at 3pm (nearly two hours after I laid down) with a headache and not feeling rested but awake enough I could cook. I tested my son and he said he'd be over soon because his girlfriend was dropping him off on her way to work. Once he got here, things got even worse because, of course, all the kids came around to see him, and the oldest immediately started stuff with everyone. He almost left because she was screaming at the 17yo about her phone or something. I went outside to get away from the noise and he followed.

Eventually, we were just in the garage with the 10yo, looking at some of his legos and cars. When the girls finally took the fight upstairs, I started making dinner again. But the girls came back down, and then they just had to bring politics up. I don't discuss politics. I don't agree with my husband on it, and my kids believe all the conspiracies out there so I just... No. I put his food in the oven and went upstairs. I only came down long enough to take the food out of the oven and serve it. They were still carrying on, arguing about the election, so I went back upstairs.

I was so depressed. I couldn't even visit with my son because all of them just love to argue and I hate it. HATE IT. I can't deal with the noise and stress. I didn't even make the food I was going to eat for dinner, and I think the only reason they stopped arguing is so I would finish cooking it because that's what my grandson was going to eat for dinner, too, and he was hungry.

It was so noisy even without the arguing. I was so overwhelmed, depressed, exhausted and stressed out. I got my food done and went back upstairs and let everyone else visit. The girls got into it again over laundry. It's always the oldest starting stuff--fighting with everyone over everything. She wants to control what everyone does. This time it was over some laundry left in the washer or something and how she wasn't going to do someone else's laundry but it was in the way and she needed to wash her own clothes. Never mind, she constantly leaves her stuff in the washer/dryer for days forcing us to finish her laundry. In fact, there was an entire basket full of her and her son's clothes that I folded for her in the laundry room. She had been throwing her dirty clothes on top of it despite the fact the stuff in the basket was obviously clean. Now it's all "contaminated" and needs to be rewashes. I folded that stuff like a month ago. I washed a lot of it, too. She's such a hypocrite which pisses off everyone else in the house. She has all of these rules about cleanliness but can toss them out whenever she doesn't feel like following them. It's annoying.

Then I had to drive the oldest son home because my husband had been drinking. He could have walked, but being in the house with the cats causes his allergies to get crazy so he wasn't feeling the greatest when he left. I got home and was just so depressed because I didn't even get to see him, and now the kitchen was a disaster that I'll have to clean.

On top of that, I might possibly have a UTI. I was having burning and pain while urinating this morning so I drank a ton of water and bought some cranberry juice (because it can't hurt). So far the burning has subsided, and there's only a slight sore feeling if I really try to push the pee out. So either it was just some random freak thing or diluting the urine with all that water helped. Guess I'll see how I feel in the morning. I'd really hate to have to go to urgent care this weekend. That's another $40 on top of the $40 for the online psych appointment and $80 for meds for the month and ugh.

The pharmacist did find out that my new bipolar med has one of those discount programs so I signed up for that. Next month, I should only have to pay $15 instead of $50. He's great about figuring that stuff out. And I got the referral to sleep medicine so I have to make that appointment. I just don't know if I have it in me to do another appointment so soon after the last two. It's a bit overwhelming for my anxiety and stuff, but I also don't want to sit around waiting forever. They have an appointment for next Friday (well, they have one on Monday, but I don't have a car to get there--my husband has Thursdays and Fridays off).

I'm just glad it's the weekend so I can sleep in and not deal with school stuff for a couple days.

Written by justanotherjen

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