Oct. 4, 2020

Cold Cave

Today was the day that Tame and I were supposed to go hiking in the largest naturally occurring tectonic cave on the east coast where I live, from what they told me. Unfortunately we couldn't find the damn thing. There was a picture of a rock formation so we would know where to enter the cave, since it's naturally occurring it isn't like there would be some grand entrance to it. We peeped around the larger rocky outcrops in the area, but no luck. We still saw some neat things today. It was a very peaceful hike, although physically taxing. I always feel like I'm out of shape when I go on hikes, despite the fact that I work out every day. I think it's just the chronic fatigue syndrome, I just can't go on like I used to. It certainly didn't help that the way back was mostly an uphill climb. I took breaks to sit on the rocks and enjoy everything around me from the fluffy moss, tiny clusters of mushrooms, and the trickle of a nearby waterfall fed by a small creek. We plan to go back at some point and actually find the cave. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to see it this time, but overall I feel like that's what I needed today- just relaxing on a hike with a friend on a nice autumn day.

At some point (I think I had asked how they're doing) Ginger came up in the discussion- the last person I had lived with who gaslit me and kicked me out (told me I was allowed to stay, then I wasn't, then kept moving up my "eviction" date). I don't know why I bother still caring how they're doing with how they reacted to me and my crumbling mental illness... I think that's another thing that we bond well over, as odd as it may be to say, but Tame and I have similar or the same different mental illnesses, so I find them easy to relate to. All that aside, I know that Tame tends to second guess themselves a lot and leans more towards the reserved side as far as personality. I was a bit surprised to hear that they broke up. I thought they had been living together, but apparently that didn't work out, among other problems they confided in me. Tame and I have been hanging out more often lately and they've helped me move twice now, and helped me out with a ton of other stuff. I do wonder now if there is anything more to that... I certainly don't want to push anything because I do enjoy spending time with them. It was just the way it was said that had me thinking. I said that I wish I could do something to ease the pain of the breakup, and they responded by telling me "Being in the forest with you is therapy in my mind, so that certainly is helpful" So.....it could just be that they're a good friend and like hiking with me, but of course my mind is going off on a tangent about -why- anyone would want to spend all day with me, because in general I'm pretty intolerable to most people. A lot of people can't handle me for extended periods of time. I don't really know why. I'm mostly quiet and not obtrusive or annoying, at least I would hope not. I'm glad that someone enjoys my company though.

They asked what anime I have been into lately and I didn't really have a good answer. I haven't been watching much since I spent time in the hospital. I've been doing more productive things like reading, working out, doing yoga, and drawing. That's been most of my days lately aside from taking breaks to play games and stuff here and there. I plan on working on rebuilding my magic the gathering decks which Jon took apart without asking me first (and undoubtedly stole some cards...), but that will be another thing that Tame and I can do together. They seemed pretty excited about it. We talked about making plans to play different games and watching anime and I said they should come over some time. I guess we'll see where this goes. At the very least I have one very good friend. This is the same person who also stayed with me until the hospital had room for me, dropped me off and picked me up and everything. They've really been there for me. That's special. I don't want to ruin it by thinking too much into it.

At the same time I just poked in on facebook and Ginger is smearing the absolute shit out of Tame. What a terrible person. Ginger and Taylor had some of the WORST communication skills out of anyone I had ever lived with by far and dealing with how incredibly soft and fragile this younger generation is really makes me feel like an old stone cold bitch lmao. But now I really get it. I'd be hung up in my emotions too if I liked someone but they started policing me on what to say or do or think...anyway that's enough of that. I was looking for pictures from today to post.

Today's prompt for inktober was "radio"......so I missed that one too. I got hung up on not doing "bulky" and was so worn out from the hike that I just didn't have it in me to do it. When I came back from the hike I unpacked, ate, took my unassembled bookshelf upstairs to build tomorrow, and read for a while. I feel like I'm about ready to wind down for bed. I don't want to quit doing inktober, but I think I may have to just pass up a few days so I don't feel overloaded with work and no pressure to get everything done.

Pictures from today were taken by Tame. I'm not sure if they posted the others but here is one, and another from the last time we went.

Written by iyazo

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