Oct. 28, 2020

Choices

Weed isn't supposed to be addictive, but I definitely notice when it's not in my system anymore and it makes me antsy. I ran out yesterday (again) and spent all day trying to distract myself by doing anything else, but I can't stop thinking about the pain I'm in and how I would rather be asleep right now, and I realize that I really do need this and I'm not too soft or leaning on it too much.... Well....maybe that last thing, because I wouldn't feel like I need it so badly if I wasn't using it as a crutch. I looked up my dispensary online and found a couple of promising looking strains that I plan to pick one of. Hopefully Michael can bring me over once the sun is up. I asked my girlfriend if I could borrow the money for a couple of days until I get paid on the 3rd. She's super nice and understanding about these things too and didn't mind. I should do something nice for her in return. I don't know what though.

I hope tomorrow isn't cold again. Recently the cold has been creeping in. I've been waking up because I'm too cold, sometimes. Waiting outside of the dispensary in the cold is no fun though. Right now my knees already feel like they're ready to explode. So hopefully I can go and I pick something that helps with the pain and sleep. I'm tempted to get one of the yummy sounding ones like Apple Cider, but the listing didn't say anything about the terpene content, so other than the THC levels being high, I don't know anything about if it's good for what I need it for. That would be fine if I was just smoking it for the flavor and to be high, but I actually need it to do medically specific things, so I take looking into the terpines and such seriously so I don't waste money on something that doesn't do what I need it to do like help with sleep, anxiety, and depression. The hard part is finding something that works for all of my issues. Sometimes, usually, I need something that's at least indica leaning for sleep and pain management, but if I want to be awake and productive that could do more harm than good. Sometimes all I have is sativa and that can be fine during the day. It can be ok for pain and I can get up and move around a bit more, but it's usually not something that's going to knock me out or make me feel lazy and couch-locked like an indica can. Of course there are hybrid strains too and they can lean more one way or another. The one I'm probably going to pick is Lime Sorbet x Green Line OG or 707 Headband x Dank Commander. I'm leaning towards the first which is a sativa hybrid while the second is more of an indica hybrid, which I've had before and it will put me into a couch lock. I don't know that I would mind that much. It's not like I have much of anything that I want to get done. I may be more inclined to draw with a sativa though and there's no shortage of art that I need to finish.

Tough decisions. I'll try and sleep on it for now if I can. Something for the pain would be nice. I just remembered that I have voltaren gel at least. It's basically like topical tylenol. My doctor prescribed it for me because it's a lot easier on the stomach than taking something orally for pain, but I often forget that I have it. Honestly at this point anything to take the edge off would be great.

Written by iyazo

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Comments
JustMegawatt
Posted On Oct 28, 2020

Sorry that you are going through some bodily pains, those are the worst. I think physical pains are even worse than mental/emotional ones, since body pains can trigger those too. I think anything can be addicting if someone does it enough times to build a habit doing it.

ZED
Posted On Oct 29, 2020

Sorry you're going through that - sounds rough. You should probably try to find other remedies to cope with the pain though, to avoid getting stuck in a similar stressful situation. :) I wish you the best.

iyazo
Posted On Oct 30, 2020

@JustMegawatt It works the other way around too...I used to self harm a lot because I found the physical pain easier to focus on and cope with instead if that makes sense. You're right it probably has become a habit. I should probably try and find some other way to cope like @ZED said, but I don't really have any other replacement options.

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