Oct. 30, 2020

Just Trying to Get Through Another Day

The days just drag on. And they're all the same, filled with this dread I can't put a finger on and depression that leaves me disinterested in doing anything.

I think to myself, maybe I'll watch this show that's normally one of my favorites, then think, "meh." And end up doing nothing.

Yesterday, I did get more editing done for Heaven. I pushed through and got 2nd edits finished for 44-46 and 1st edits for 47-52. So editing is mostly done for all of the chapters I have done. I don't plan to make any more major changes to them. Next up would be to ready 44-46 to post and a more close look at the others for errors I make a lot of (mostly commas with conjunctions... I have issues with those) and any other bits that just don't sound right. I usually only make a few minor changes during 2nd edits. Or sometimes there are a few bigger changes that get done because I've been debating them since the rewrites and have finally decided I want the change, lol.

The oldest son stopped by yesterday to see if the package he ordered came. I had gotten an out for delivery notice from Amazon, but it hadn't arrived yet. I did give him the extra inhaler I had so neither of us have to worry about him having an asthma attack before he gets his refilled. He also talked to us about moving back in. He stopped living at home when schools closed back in March. He stayed with his friend instead then officially moved into their house this summer (taking the rest of his stuff) and is paying rent there. But he quit his job because the plastic fumes and stuff were affecting his asthma. He still doesn't have a new job so all of his savings is going to pay rent and he's at odds with his "roommate" because my son is no longer interested in just playing video games all day, lol.

Obviously, he's free to come home, but I rearranged the garage and used the top bunk of the bunk beds for storage. There's no place to put that stuff so that leaves just one bed out there, and just recently, the 10yo finally decided he would sleep in his bed after sleeping on the living room floor since March. So we're going to have to figure something out. The top bunk is just a no-go. The oldest had broken the slats on the bottom bunk so I took the whole thing apart to move the bottom bunk to the top. I can't have the 10yo sleeping on top with 3 broken slats. We do have extra foam mattresses from getting the girls new ones. They're pretty squished down, but I guess he could pile them on the floor if we can clear the space (since as soon as I got it cleaned up, everyone started throwing stuff out there).

Storage is another issue. The oldest literally just moved the dresser he was moving up to her room the other day to put the grandson's stuff in. It's technically her dresser I bought for her when she was like 11 (it's really small--supposed to be for like lingerie and stuff). I guess I can move the board games off the rack for the other drawers we have (foldable drawers on a metal rack) which used to be his dresser when he was like 6. It might be enough to at least store the clothes he wears most often. Not sure what I'm going to do with all the board games.

The logistics of having a large family... ugh.

We'll figure it out. The thing I'm worried about is he says he's never home and always out with his friends, and I don't like that. It's going to cause more issues in the house. The 17yo already goes out to hang with friends (get drunk) whenever she feels like it, disappearing for days. She says she's going to babysit for her friend when she's desperate, but who knows what she's doing. This causes tensions with the other girls. The 14yo gets pissed because she's not allowed to go see her friends and the 20yo is mad that the 17yo is exposing herself then possibly bringing illnesses home (so far she hasn't even gotten this cold going around the house so we've been lucky). If the 19yo starts going out all of the time, they're going to be fighting, too.

He doesn't want to stay long though--he can't deal with the drama in the house. Just long enough to find another job, save up a little money and wait for his one friend to get back from sea (he works on boats). Then they're getting an apartment together or something. Oh, the son did offer to pay rent. He just doesn't want to pay $500 like he is at his friend's house (still a reasonable amount considering rent prices in our area). I suggested $200 mostly to cover the cost of food and some of the water bill because water is ridiculously expensive. Our bill is minimum $200 every other month but was nearly $400 this last time. Mostly it's the food thing. He's a 19yo guy and eats like three people. We've saved so much on our food bill since he moved out, lol. And I just started to learn how not to cook like there are 12 people eating. I cook for just six sometimes. We'll be back to 8 people in the house, including the grandson who lives here part-time.

Oh, and his girlfriend is moving to Kansas to help her sister with some stuff and will be gone for several months so he's depressed and worried about that (guess her parents are trying to split them up or something because he's not good enough for her... I don't know). Hopefully, they make it through. I mean, they're 18 and 19, and high school romances have low chances of making it, but they're so cute together. I just want them to be happy for as long as they can.

So, yeah, now I have all of this anxiety about him moving back in (instead of feeling relief that all five of my kids are back under my room where I can watch them). It was also pointed out that if he moves back in it's going to cause issues with the 10yo's classes. We've just gotten into a routine where he does his Zooms in his room (the garage) where it's quiet while I work in my room, especially on Thursday/Friday when my husband is home and watching TV.

The 19yo is hoping to get on working overnights at the local supermarket which means he'll be getting off work and wanting to sleep right when the 10yo has class so he won't be able to go in the garage. He won't do his Zoom meetings in the dining room where people might walk in and hear him so looks like we'll be back to the schedule where he does them in my room while I sit in the dining room and try to work through the commotion. Ugh.

2020 sucks. Can it be over already?

Anyway, I'm not sure I have plans today. I guess I need to finish this Halloween blanket I was making for the grandson before, you know, Halloween which is tomorrow. I also need to finish at least 2nd edits on 47-52 before NaNo starts at midnight Nov 1. So I have today and tomorrow to do that. We're not doing Halloween this year so I don't have the stress of last minute costume dashes and passing out candies so that helps.

Written by justanotherjen

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