Nov. 12, 2020

Last Couple Days

(Apparently this didn't post when I originally wrote it. Thankfully, I copy/pasted it somewhere else.)

Well, I couldn't update the last couple days because of keyboard issues. By the time I could get the keys working, I was just too exhausted to put in the mental effort to make an entry. Which all relates back to my sleep issues. Yesterday absolutely sucked. There was no school because of Veteran's Day so I turned my alarms off and slept in.

I woke up around 8:30am, I think, and went to get some coffee because I really didn't want to get up. Except the kitchen was such a disaster that I just walked right back out because I did not have the energy to deal with that. I tried to do some writing and managed a journal entry at 4tw full of spelling errors because of the keyboard issues then just jumped from social media site to social media site because I was so tired. I could barely think straight and my eyes kept sliding shut.

Around noon, I decided it was pointless to continue on like that and laid down for a nap knowing full well I wouldn't feel any better when I got up but being awake was pointless. I slept until 3:30pm and only forced myself out of bed (still utterly exhausted) because I knew I had to cook dinner. We didn't have any money for groceries really this month. I had to make do on $170 for eight people for three weeks. There isn't anything in the house that would be easy for the kids to make and every bit of food I have accounted for in the recipes I can make to get us through this. I can't have them making random stuff and using up ingredients for another meal.

Except, I was so out of it, I couldn't figure out what to make or how to so it. My brain felt so slow, and I was having a hard time talking (talking real slow, slurring my words, forgetting words, etc). I just burst into tears because I can't take it anymore. I feel like my brain is slowly dying. Well, quickly dying now. It's been slowly dying or years but now... it feels like it's speeding up. I'm not a functioning person anymore.

Eventually, I managed to cook up three pieces of chicken breast and my husband cut them into little pieces for chicken and gravy over white rice with some peas on the side. The baby wasn't home so that three pieces of chicken had to feed seven people.

Anyway, I fought the exhaustion until around 7:30pm when I laid down and tried to watch something on my phone in bed. But after an hour or so I realized I was watching out of just one eye because they kept crossing, and I wasn't actually watching because nothing was in focus anyway--like I was staring through the phone instead of at it. I gave up at 9pm and turned it off to go to bed.

I woke up to my alarm at 7am, absolutely exhausted. Turned the first alarm off and went back to bed, knowing the second would go off at 7:50 (which is when my son has to log into his class). I felt like I barely fell back asleep and the second alarm went off. Reluctantly, I got up. I did manage to get some coffee this morning and felt less exhausted than yesterday.

I also did some writing. At first I didn't think I could, but I just pushed through and the more I wrote, the more came out. It all sucked, and I'm pretty sure I'll have to cut most of it because the chapters feel long and I still haven't gotten to what I need to actually be in the chapter, but at least I got something done. It's progress.

Then at 11:30am, I had my follow-up appointment with sleep medicine. This time I met with a physician's assistant who was very bubbly and sweet. I liked her a lot.

The first thing she told me was my score was a 9. I don't remember what the score was called, but it's the number of times you stop breathing every hour. Five and under is normal for people. Mine was a 9. Nine times every hour, I stop breathing. Geesh. That's considered "mild" apnea BUT the home tests aren't very accurate for various reasons so it could be off, and she really thinks it's off based on the symptoms I'm discussed with the doctors. The other thing she noted was my oxygen level dipped all the way to 80% at one point. She said if I had been in a hospital situation and it dipped below 89%, alarms would start blaring and a bunch of nurses would come in to give me oxygen and make sure I was okay.

Because of all that and my symptoms, she thinks I have severe sleep apnea and suggested I go right to using a CPAP machine to try and get relief as soon as possible. Of course, the clinic has no appointments to get machines for like three months and she said I need one now. So she sent my info to some store that supplies medical equipment that takes our insurance. They're supposed to call in the next two weeks. Ugh.

She said the effects might not be immediate, but thinks I'll see improvement within a week. It might not be sudden, full energy, but hopefully, I won't feel tired all day long anymore. Then once I start having more energy during the day, I can worry about things like my weight which can affect apnea. I hate being this obese. I've always been overweight, but at 235lbs I was doing okay. I'm at 272lbs (according to my scale) right now and it sucks. My knees and back hurt all of the time. I get winded going up the stairs. I would love to lose this weight, but you can't exercise when you don't have the energy to even get out of bed.

Anyway. I'll be waiting to hear from the store to make an appointment to be fitted for the machine. Then there will be more follow-up appointments to see how I'm doing with it.

I'm excited but apprehensive because every time I've gotten some diagnosis that could fix the fatigue, it ends up being something else. The doctors really think this is what's causing all my issues. It can even affect mental health and how those meds work which would explain why all of my meds stopped working in the past which was right around the time the fatigue really set in.

I did end up taking another nap today after my husband got home. He made me lay down around 2pm and I slept until almost 4pm. I didn't want to get up but had to cook dinner. I'm going to try to type up some of the story I wrote earlier and will probably go to bed early again because my brain just gets too sluggish to do anything. I can't even watch TV although I might try to do that a little bit.

Hopefully, things start getting better. If I can get rid of this fatigue, I can go back to writing regularly maybe. And I can start taking care of the house again. And maybe actually enjoy cooking and doing stuff with my kids (right now they're just too exhausting to enjoy). And I can start going for walks again. Just so many things in my life were ruined by this fatigue.                                                      

Written by justanotherjen

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