April 1, 2020

Back from the dead

Well, I think I neglected my journal for long enough now. Or rather, I have been neglecting myself, my goals and the duties I set for myself.

It has been so easy to just sleep in and do nothing all day, but this can not go on forever. Even my Dad and, and at the same time very seriously, said that I have let myself go and it would not kill me to wake up in time again. I doubt that all fathers are the same, but to me, this is what dad-talk is all about. Recently he bought me one of those T-shirts that have a print about how I am a lucky daughter because I have an awesome Dad. It is hilarious to read on a shirt, but also kinda true. One line reads that he notices more than he says, I think it is doubly true for him. He already has a less talkative personality, though I guess that is not the most accurate way of saying it. I can talk with him about almost anything, but he does not mention everything he sees and has a problem with immediately. So when he said I was starting to fall apart, was pretty much by the point I got comfortable with the fact that I was sleeping in. The first few days I always feel kinda guilty about missing my goals, but as the week goes on I just ease into a small depression thinking something along the lines of, well I didn't do anything the whole week, but it's not like the world stopped or anything, so I guess it's not really a problem. And then I continue doing nothing. Nice timing on his part I guess. If he mentioned it immediately when I still felt bad about it, I would think him cruel or strict for scolding me for missing a day only. However, now I am kind of sick of my own laziness, and him pointing it out motivated me to get right back to where I left off.

So, hi I am back, I guess. I do not want this journal to fall victim to my serial-journal-abandoning (as one habitican nicely put it). And that says something about the community of Habitica and the comfy niche that is this page. I have missed my party. And I have missed reading the public entries of the others. I love how everyone has their different styles of writing, how much they write and what about. I guess it is fun to care about the days of people you will probably never meet. It is weirdly real and unreal at the same time. I was thinking about letting my friends read mine but quickly decided against it. I would not be able to write this free if I knew someone I know will read it.

I might decrease the word count in the future. I spend so much time thinking about what I want to write and so little on actually writing. Though maybe I could count it as some kind of quiet meditation time. Thinking about real stuff and trying to compose a coherent thing out of them. Though I am not sure writing less would make my entries more readable. I just have too long-winded thought lines, to begin with. Cutting them in half would only leave me with half-thoughts.

(Title: I am not really a fan of metal, but I do like Skillet. They have quite a few songs I like)

Written by Aislene

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