Dec. 27, 2020


I ran out of my ambien and klonopin. I ended up waking up around 6am and going back to sleep. I was really lucky that I was able to fall asleep again. I have a supplement drink that has tryptophan to help fall asleep and that has been working ok so far. I can hopefully go and pick up my medicine tomorrow. I wanted to go today but Michael didn't answer me. I think I'm starting to wear on his nerves asking to be driven around. I did pay for gas though, so it isn't as if I'm not thinking about that. I don't think he really minds, I just worry. A lot of the time he has actually volunteered himself to take me places, which is nice of him.

This week didn't go quite as I had planned because my energy levels varied a lot. The snow pretty much took me out. Supposedly later in the week it will rain and then get cold again and I don't want to deal with that... My body is already a mess. Keeping myself active does help though. I completed a 30 day yoga challenge today and it actually made me a little emotional. It was the only unguided session with just music and I pushed myself, realizing how far I had come in only a month. I can do a complete forward fold and hug my legs, I can put my legs behind my head, I can balance on just my hands for a while, or on one foot. I've gained a lot of flexibility. There are other videos on the channel I've been following and she just started what looks like another 30 day challenge so I'll probably do those, too. I felt everything crack today in my practice and all of the motions felt so good. I honestly really like doing yoga every day, even though today it was a bit late. I was getting anxious from not having anything to do and it's something I could think of that I enjoy, so I just did that. It was a longer than usual session today too, a whole 45 minutes instead of a half hour or so.

I managed to dig out a couple of boxes today that have been stored on the side of my room. I started a bag for clothing I'm going to donate and a box for books to donate as well. There were already a few in there. Makes me wonder why I was even carrying that box around... I still need to figure out how I'm going to sell some things, but others I'm willing to just let go at this point. There's no sense in dragging it out when I don't have the energy to stop and sell every little thing when I feel overwhelmed with Stuff. I'm not exactly a hoarder but... well there's no point in keeping a lot of my collection if I can't see it and it gets buried. A lot of those things are actually worth something though, it's just a matter of what exactly and if I want to part with it. I'm part of a pokemon collector's group on facebook and it's possible I could sell some of my collection off there pretty fast.

Another thing about this week is I think I went back to not drawing anything at all. I need to keep my momentum up on that, too. Sometimes I'm surprised when people tell me they like my art, but it makes me happy. Not sure if I mentioned that a while back I was able to get water color pencils, some better quality regular colored pencils, and a few new markers. So I have a few things to play with and try out.

I just took a shower to wind down for the night and of course now I start getting hot flashes again. I had one this morning when I realized I forgot to take my estradiol and ended up taking it late. From what I can recall I was ok for the rest of the day otherwise until just now. I just need to sit in front of a fan. I hope my regular doctor will prescribe the other medicine which I think will work better for me. She will listen to my input and talk to me about it. She's a good doctor.

Even though I feel anxious and like I didn't get anything done today I actually got a decent amount of work done. I should feel accomplished or proud. I just feel tired. I'm glad since I still don't have my medicine for tonight. I worked really hard to make myself tired. Made sure I had zero spoons left at all. No energy. Low battery. Now time to lay back and listen to soothing music or sounds and play pokemon yellow until I fall asleep.

Written by iyazo

Log in to Like
Log In to Favorite
Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter

You must be signed in to post a comment!