12/30/2020

Just sitting here winding down and listening to some meditation music. A lot has happened very quickly. A good friend of mine is in the hospital with multiple complications due to cancer and I'm very severely worried that he might not make it through... I really hope he does if only for the sake of his wife and kids (he has twins and one on the way). All I really can do in this situation is hope and pray though. Not much else to be done but wait. They wanted to remove a tumor in his lungs and remove liquid around his lungs, which sounds really scary.

I was very aware of the passage of time today. It drifted by slowly as I tried to find ways to keep myself occupied. I wanted to take it easy with working out today so I did a short full body routine and a long yoga session. My body still feels all crackly. I must be sleeping weird lately. I've woken up a couple of times with my headphones wrapped around my neck, so it must be true.

We were supposed to go grocery shopping today, but Michael had another migraine, so we didn't end up going anywhere. We might go tomorrow if he's feeling better. I spent today (finally) trying on some of my packed away clothes and I put a decent amount into my donation bag. There are a lot more things that I think I'm going to throw in though because I just have so much.

I went to check on the tracking for the postal scale I've been waiting on and amazon says they lost the damn package.... They're giving me a refund but still, I waited all this time for them to lose track of something with tracking so that this exact situation doesn't happen... There may be a different package waiting for me downstairs though. A friend of mine sent me something and said it arrived, but I'm in too much pain to go down and pack up 2 flights of stairs at the moment, so it can wait until I go down tomorrow. It's either a late Christmas or early birthday present.

I spent some time telling my friend Megh about the kittens I live with. Even though I don't really like cats much I can't help but like them... a little... Megh really likes cats though and wants to meet them someday. Brett asked to hang out again soon too. We made plans for next weekend. They actually messaged me after I posted something to make sure that I was safe and because of the last people I lived with who I can no longer remain friends with, that was a huge burden that *I* put on them... So I feel bad whenever other people comment on my depression or ask me if I'm ok. It just makes me feel worse now because I had people who treated me horribly for my illnesses and now I can't tell if someone is genuinely concerned or if I'm causing problems by being depressed... Though everyone else I've met collectively has agreed that one of the people who talked to me that way is just a bitch and can fuck off for all anyone cares lol

I really want to get back into drawing before I end up committing to buying a tablet for myself. I think I'm gonna do it though. I'm kind of on the fence because usually I'm an android/windows person, but I've heard good things about procreate, which I found out is only on the ipad. I can't afford a whole tablet computer though, just a fancy screen, unfortunately...

I don't know what the plans are for new years. I haven't heard anything said about anyone being here or not. I'm worried that I'll be alone. I don't have any plans.