Jan. 27, 2021

1/27/2021

Today was a high pain day. After my "workout" the other day I'm not surprised. I'm feeling muscles I forgot I had. Speaking of muscles I'm thinking about going back on a low dose of testosterone and off of my antipsychotic... The one I was on before at least still let me get high, but it gave me bad panic attacks, and the one I'm on now blocks me from getting high, I looked up studies done on it and stuff. That sucks. Now I know I've essentially been wasting money trying to get somewhere impossible. I'm thinking I can probably be put on something else because I don't even know WHY I'm on an antipsychotic... my diagnosis literally states "without psychotic features" so I don't know why. I actually think it causes my aggression sometimes. I might call my doctor and tell her that and see what she says because otherwise I don't have another appointment for like 2 months and I really wanna trip on acid with my friends and vape weed and actually get high like I'm supposed to. I can't just stop taking this medication without replacing it with something else though, I know that.

Gosh I really need to cut down spending money on fast food recently. Glitch and I have been ordering a bunch of junk. It's not good for me in any way, I don't know why I eat it. At least for sushi it's because that's actually one of my favorite foods. I had sushi and almost ordered poke bowls tonight which are similar. Think sushi in salad form.

Wow I'm really in fox mode right now. I wish it was warm out so I could go dig holes in the back yard. I have plans for this spring. I'm gonna grow some things. Right now the plants I own are sadly wilting and I'm tempted to get more and strengthen my wards and protection. It's said among green witches that their plants protect them and if they suddenly die like mine have been it's because someone else is attacking, and I know exactly who it is and where that negative energy is coming from so I can very easily cast a rebound and get them to leave me alone for once. I don't like messing with the bad energy that was attached to that person...

I went on a long walk several days in a row now with Glitch. They're proud of me for overcoming my agoraphobia. It's tough but I want to keep doing it. I feel bad I need to have someone come with me but otherwise I just can't do it. I've been able to play pokemon go somewhat while we were out. Glitch redownloaded the game and is playing with me somewhat. We're on the same team which is great. Usually my friends aren't on my team.

I went downstairs to cuddle with Glitch and Athena on the couch for a bit and asked her to wake me up at 10 tomorrow. She brought me coffee this morning which I wasn't expecting and it was made exactly the way I mentioned that I like it... I could cry...! My girlfriend is truly the sweetest. We have a date night in planned for friday. We're just going to dress all fancy and stay home and watch a movie or something, so we're being covid-safe.

I messaged Brett the other day, my friend who had covid, to see how they're doing. They said ok but seemed like they're struggling a little bit. There isn't much I can do though because they're super serious about not wanting to possibly spread covid now that they've experienced how awful it is- they still have no sense of taste or smell... They also congratulated me on my new relationship (Glitch wanted to put it on facebook, so I said sure) but they seemed a bit more reserved towards me. I guess I won't know if he did used to like me and now he doesn't... I don't know. I'm probably overthinking it.

Written by iyazo

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