Feb. 27, 2021

Relationships

I've kind of fallen off track with a lot in my life right now so I am taking a few days to cleanse and reset and mostly just rest. I've been spending all of my free time with Glitch who is extremely extroverted, while I am extremely introverted. She seriously can't go longer than about maybe a half hour without saying anything and is usually constantly talking. I'm a good listener, so I never mind. It is nice to have a break and a little peace and quiet though. Not to mention, I really missed my rats. I feel like they missed me too. They actually tolerate a bit more physical affection when I'm gone for a while, it seems.

Before Glitch left to hang out with Chris, Chris took me to the pharmacy. Right as we were getting ready to leave Tony came home and offered us some LSD on sour patch kids, which was really good. I swear there was some extra on mine because it dripped onto my hand. That's nice. It was hard to tell whose shit kicked in first, Tony's or Chris', because Glitch and I went into the pharmacy trippin (again). I felt bad because I knew Tony really wanted to hang out. He lingered in my room for a little bit until I asked if he missed me. He said he did and I grabbed him for a kiss before heading out for a bit. I didn't plan to stay with Glitch and Chris because they both have their own drama stuff going on right now they wanted to hash out together and just have Sad Times for a while.

Tony and I kissed more later in his room before I went back upstairs.... I swear if it weren't for my damn joints I'd swear I felt his age again.... It's a really nice feeling. I know he's a horny guy, but I think taking things kind of slow and not rushing headfirst into something could be kinda nice. I always let whatever happens happen and I feel like everyone always expects me to put my smol dom energy to work but... sometimes I just don't know where to initiate something with someone?? So like I knowwwww he probably wants more but at the same time we're both holding back. At the same time he's also really cute and sweet. He bought me dinner (anything I wanted, even though I just wanted junk food haha) and we cuddled and watched tv together, so I know he likes being close to me even though he's really shy too, which is reassuring.

Honestly, aside from Jena still vagueposting things (whach apparently I wasn't meant to see) and childish shit like that on facebook saying I somehow make them feel unsafe in their own home, calling me ableist for accidentally leaving something in their path while they have mobility issues (while Im also disabled and it was an honest mistake, not on purpose like I feel calling me ableist implies), and calling me manipulative for saying I feel unstable in my living situation now and it makes me want to leave because I feel unsafe here... things would be perfect if not for that. They've been being shitty to Glitch for a long time now, constantly asking for help with things or Glitch just helping out around the house and raising their kids like they were her own for this mother who is now spending wild amounts of time in a neighboring state with their other partner (a cishet man of fucking course) just completely leaving their 5 and 14 year old alone in the house and going off. It's wild when I'm the one who suddenly becomes one of the most competent and able person in the room. Really says a lot.

I don't want to focus on the negative though, I replied to their strongly worded email and if they want to go ahead and stab me in the back like that playing the victim and treat me nice to my face then that's on their own shitty character, not me. I sincerely apologized. That's about all I can do, if they wanna stay mad then stay mad, I guess? Waste of energy if you ask me. It takes up so many spoons for me to use a lot of emotional energy like that so I don't.

I plan to hang out with Tony tomorrow... -or later today, as it's now already 7:30am! I can't believe I stayed up so late. I'll be lucky if I don't sleep all day. If I do, I needed the rest. I really hope I don't because I loved the way Tony clung to me and and asked right away to see me again. It makes me feel so loved.

Written by iyazo

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