April 8, 2020

"I don't wanna stop!"

Tonight I stumbled into some old music videos that really hit me back when I first listened to them. Listening to them now I still thought they were awesome powerful so I think they are really that good.

The songs were by Dave from Boyinaband. He does not upload too frequently, but I love how he tackles controversial and heavy issues head-on with sincerity. One of my favourites is You look like a girl, where he answers to everyone who hates on his looks by way of some sick eloquent and logical burns. Being someone for whom, as long as you take care of yourself, you look good, I really enjoyed imagining the faces of people the song were meant to. Although I don't think they watched the video in the first place.

The song that spoke to me the most when I first heard it was probably the one called I'm not dead. At that time I was kinda failing at life and a lot of things he talks about were things that I also struggled with. Pushing people away, never finishing the things that I set out to do. I was essentially wasting away in my own self-loathing. I didn't even try to live. I thought that the people in my life would be better off if I had never been born. It is crazy what stupid lies we tell ourselves and believe. I never would have gotten out of that state of mind had I not had a heart to heart with God. I guess love really is the best medicine and no one can love you as much and soo deeply as God loves you.

Currently, I am at the stage of "I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet". I get a lot of help from the people around me and I can only hope that others will get the help they need as well. Maybe someday I can be someone who helps others. Who knows?

Written by Aislene

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