April 6, 2021

Catastrophizing

I haven't gotten much done the past few days. I'm running low on weed to keep me calmed down. Every time I close my eyes when I'm awake I see another nightmare of what could happen to me if I'm not accepted at either house. It's getting out of control. It's a paralyzing fear. Maybe it's just because the sun is down and it's less hot, but I feel less anxious at night. I guess I've always felt more comfortable at night than during the day. It feels safer to me somehow. Maybe because for the longest time it was the only time I had an escape from my abusers throughout my entire life.

The other day I had another interview with Shippen House to meet the final member of the house. They said that they have a bunch of interviews going on, but will get back to me soon. Originally he said Wednesday, but I'm not sure if I will really hear back so soon or not. I'm really scared they'll pick someone else. Tony reassured me that if they're still reaching out to me they must already like me on some level. He also ordered boxes for me today on amazon and said that he would help me to pack. I need to get the stuff I need to do myself out of the way first like folding my clothes and rolling them up so they take up the least amount of space possible in my bags. I mean I guess he could help with that though... I decided a while back I would pack an emergency bag in case I decide to go back to the hospital, and a larger dufflebag would be full of the rest of my essentials I wouldn't be allowed to bring to the hospital, but would probably be fine at a shelter. I'm trying to prepare for all situations.

I checked my bank account since it's after midnight and still no sign of a stimulus. I wonder if I really won't be getting one... Maybe it will come through later in the day... I can only hope. I did read something earlier that if I didn't file taxes I could end up with nothing. I didn't get the second stimulus either (This is the third one right?), only the first $600, so I'm really worrying that I won't get this one.

So yeah, anticipation for tomorrow is pretty high, though I'm holding the bar low so I don't end up disappointed...

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/wretchedrabbit

https://www.facebook.com/donate/149060183769187/

Written by iyazo

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Comments
JustMegawatt
Posted On Apr 07, 2021

Is this Shippen House? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shippen_House It's a historic house in PA that is significant enough that has its own Wikipedia page. And you are applying to live there? That is cool

You should make sure to file your taxes every year.... if you earn nothing, it's basically just submitting in 2 sheets of paper I think, with your name and declaring you earned nothing. I think software like TurboTax is free in your bracket... If not, there are free alternative products available.

Anyways I donated. I feel pretty greedy receiving $1400 in stimulus check recently and only donating barely any of it. When I got my first job, barely earning anything btw, a girl asked me for $1000 saying she was suicidal, desperate, etc, crying on the phone. I was about to give it to her and not even care, but then a co-worker was like "don't give your money away, you earned it, blah blah blah" but I don't even care tbh, I ended up sending her like $300 over and then got ghosted (not that I was pursuing her or anything).

iyazo
Posted On Apr 07, 2021

@JustMegawatt This state has TONS of historic landmarks, but no it's a different house. I called it that based on the streets it was near. Unfortunately I was rejected today... I have nowhere to go. I REALLY appreciate you donating though, it means a lot to me because even if I end up on the streets I'll still need to pay to store my things each month and move them more than once whenever I do manage to find a place.

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