April 13, 2021

Errand Day

Today Scott was supposed to pick me up and run errands. He said if I didn't hear back from him by 3:30 to call, which I did. He still hasn't replied, actually... I was a little nervous about leaving the house because I realized that Jena actually wasn't home. I thought I was actually completely home alone for the first time since moving here! That meant the key for the front door was gone and I was locked in... Luckily the back door has a bolt you turn so you can unlock it from the inside, unlike the deadbolt at the front door. I hoped no one would notice I snuck out the back and left the door unlocked...

I ended up having to get an uber. A lyft would have been half as expensive but there really are none around here. I guess uber pays better. The ride was 3 stops and went a bit outside of the city, so it ended up costing me like $44. It sucks that they limit you to that many stops because there are other places I still need to go to. The pharmacy can wait until Friday... Which means I won't be able to get food anywhere until then most likely. I do have some stuff left though- found some applesauce tucked away and actually was able to stomach it. 140 calories is better than none. I'm going to continue to eat all of them slowly until there aren't any packs left. That way I don't do that thing where you end up getting really sick from eating too much too quickly when malnourished. Trust me, it sucks, I've been through it before. It'll set you allllllll the way back.

Anyway, when I got back I grabbed my mail from the porch and the front door was still locked. I went around to the back and Jena's kid was sitting on the countertop in the kitchen where you enter, so I waved and came in and said hi. I apologized for sneaking out the back like that. He didn't make a big deal over it so hopefully he doesn't say anything about it to his mom, because I know she would be mad. I'm supposedly not allowed to enter unless they're there which is a new bullshit made up rule because I lost my key. Like... excuse you? I still pay to live here?? I'll come and go as I damn well please. I don't set unspoken arbitrary rules for them and then get pissed off over something they didn't even know was a rule like they do to me.

I was brave enough to make a few phone calls today as well. I had to call my doctor's office twice. Once to let them know their prescription answering machine was full, and then explain what I needed corrected with my medication and what needs to be refilled. Saying that all to an actual person is kind of stressful to me, but makes me feel like it's more likely to be fixed. I had to call my pharmacy too to find out how long I have to pick up my prescriptions- Friday, the same day my other ones will be ready to be filled. Perfect. I feel like I woke up to a phone call this morning...more than once. I completely do not remember the first conversation or who it was with, or if I dreamed it and then I woke up and it actually happened... Anyway, the second time it was about renewing my insurance. They had supposedly sent me a packet in the mail, which I looked for earlier when I came home (front door was still locked), but it wasn't there. The guy said he could just send another one but I was like I'm homeless? and he was like "...what?" and I was like yeah I'm being kicked out, I don't have an address to give you- he said he would have to talk to his supervisor to see what he should do. He didn't call back. Shit. If my insurance gets cut off I'm fucked beyond measure. Because speaking of which, I got my bill in the mail from when I stayed in the behavioral hospital for 10 days...$24,000. Yeah. Most expensive shittiest hotel ever, basically. Luckily all covered by my insurance. I'm a bit worried to go back now though before I can figure out what's going on with this shit.

I attended a prayer service that my church held earlier this evening. I never really attended a prayer group/circle/whatever before, so I wasn't really sure what to do. Pastor Anabel had a few different topics and each person could choose one of them to lead us all in prayer- for the world, for the government in my country, for the church and it's members, for healthcare workers and the vaccines, and a few other things. I was the only person not to choose a topic and just chose to sit and listen and pray with them silently. When I first came into the zoom meeting everyone said hello to me and one person (who always does) asked how I'm doing, and I admitted that I've been struggling. I have no prospects lined up. I really feel like I'm at the end of my rope and no matter how hard I try I'm going to end up homeless. That's when someone who had called in piped up and said I should try getting in touch with a certain person he knows at United Way and he might have some resources for me, just mention that I know him and Pastor Anabel. It could be more of what I already know- the local shelters, 211, everything I've already tried, but there could always be something new. On the website it only mentions 211, which I already know, and I know how the process works already, where people seem to think that you can just pop in and out of a shelter if you need a place to stay. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. It's a process and you have to follow their rules, which generally only means you can stay there during certain hours (like 7:30pm to 7:30am specifically at one of the two local shelters). Anyway out of the 8 total prayers we had, at least 3 different people mentioned that they're praying for me to find a safe and secure home soon. It almost got me to cry on camera.

It's starting to get late and I'm pretty tired now from running around with zero energy. I think I'll relax a little bit, meditate, then go to sleep.

Written by iyazo

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