May 12, 2021

Limits

Went to get my second vaccination today. This time I went alone, of course. It wasn't very crowded because at this point I think most people have been vaccinated in my area. Two people stopped and chatted with me about my Ghost BC shirt and I told them about the time I went to see them with Iron Maiden back in 2017. The second person though.... oh my gosh. He came over to sit by me as I sipped water and ate pretzels which they gave me because I felt a little dizzy and nauseous (to be fair, I felt like that on the way there because I was probably dehydrated). And lemme tell ya this guy sees me and comes over, kneels down beside me, and from the second I locked eyes with him I could almost visibly see his brain leaving his head lmaoooo He introduced himself as David and then quickly said "wait, shit, no...I'm [real name], sorry" pointing at his nametag and clearly flustered as fuck. I didn't make a big deal over it, even though it was really funny. He joked around and said "I'm married, not blind!" That really boosted my self esteem. Something I really needed since someone slammed it into the earth...

The kicker was that after that he peeped my vaccination card for a second he goes "IT'S YOU! That's unmistakably my handwriting!" and he was right- he was there watching me for a bit after I got my first vaccine as well. I remember that we talked about my A Perfect Circle hoodie briefly that time, when Tony had come with me. I was wearing it again this time too, but I was alone, so he stayed beside me since nothing much else was going on and we talked about A Perfect Circle, Ghost, Iron Maiden, and the show that I went to for a while. He stalled a bit, asking if I drove here, because if I did he suggested that I call someone else to drive me even though I felt fine at that point, which I reassured him of. I said I'd taken an uber and he said alright and said he would walk me out... Just in case. Along the way he offered to carry my bag for me (which I stubbornly refused lol), and then before we got to the last hall before the doors we stopped and he said "I'll let you go once you drink the rest of your water. You'll feel better." So I lifted up my mask and drank. I honestly think he just wanted to see my face. So I gave him a bit of a peek~

I told y'all I was always like this. This is what happens when you dump all of your stat points into luck and charisma. Can't turn the charm off~

Anyway, after that I decided to take my time and call a lyft because they're generally cheaper, it just takes over a half hour to ever find a ride, whereas uber is almost always instant or within a few minutes, but usually charges more. I'm trying to SAVE money right now and all of these rides to appointments are killin me. I mapped out my route this morning in the most efficient way possible. After my initial uber to the appointment, I got a lyft and made a stop at the bank to deposit some of my emergency cash stash because I realized that u-haul did, in fact, double charge me like I feared they might. About $135 total when I was quoted around $50. That's some bullshit for only driving 6 miles AND putting gas in it. I guess I did keep it past my slot time though when I should have logged in to return it and dropped off the keys.... Actually, I picked it up after it was supposed to be returned (because otherwise the shop would have been closed until Monday with the rest of them and I'd have no keys or truck) so, uh... Yeah... I kinda knew that was coming. Not sure why more fees were added though still.

After that I went to the pharmacy with the same lyft and on the ride over started to get really hungry, looking around at all of the restaurants around the downtown area. We passed a sushi place down to the right of the pharmacy before parking and I thought seriously about going over there after picking up my medicine. I was REALLY craving that raw fish, but it's so expensive that I couldn't justify an extravagant meal like that right now unfortunately... So I walked around the pharmacy for a while instead, checking to see if they had anything in the way of food... They had a lot more than I expected, but of course it was more expensive than it would be at a grocery store. I figured it would probably cost as much to get another ride to a supermarket, so I didn't mind grabbing a few things out of convenience. I ended up getting some plain crackers for my stomach issues lately, mandarin oranges in juice, applesauce, Annie's cheddar bunnies, peanut butter.... Ohh I've missed peanut butter. I thought I had half a jar left a while back, but it turns out I ate it in my sleep at some point.... Of course I got bread, AND close enough to what I was craving.... TUNA! *GEKKERS~!* It was a cheap compromise for what I wanted! I should have gotten more because as soon as I got back to the house I immediately inhaled the two packages I had bought and I still crave more. But of course this is hours later now. I guess it's just that kind of day. Toss a fish to yer foxy~ (Tuna are actually fucking big, take me out with that shit lmao)

Tomorrow I don't really have any solid plans in place yet. Depends on if this shot makes me feel like shit or not. I mean I already kinda feel like shit, I've been running a low fever (99.4ish) all week while on acetaminophen and ibuprofen so.... hmm.... So far my arm is just a little more sore than last time and I feel pretty tired, but I did do a lot today. My body's health is at its limit. Now while sitting my knees get stiff and sore. I'm forming bright bruises from where I was stuck with needles over a week ago, like the stomach injections and either an injection or blood drawn (I forget which) from my upper left arm when they had nowhere else to stick me. I changed my bandages after FINALLY being cleared to take regular showers again. I noticed some new pus in the middle of the scab on my right arm, but there's no swelling and it doesn't seem to be building up, so I'm not that concerned. I'm just gonna leave it alone. If I feel alright tomorrow I might go out to this one shopping center that has a UPS Store where I need to drop things off at, and a haircut place. I'm on the fence about cutting my hair. On one hand I want to stop being called "she," but on the other... ...long mohawk turns into small ponytail now which is :0 ! Also come to the realization I'm gonna have to deal with the cringe either way because for some stupid reason people don't default to gender neutral pronouns if they don't know someone, like I do. Like y'all it ain't even that hard. I don't gender. Sometimes I none gender with left boy, but that's about it. I'm trans, yeah, but I'm not into that whole dudebro macho... whatever, like I was when I was an egg (in the beginning of my transition). Would be nice to be able to see all my piercings too though, but I'm worried that if I make them too noticeable and I go to the hospital or something, they'll make me take them out. They tried last time and I told them I don't take them out ever and adamantly refused. I'd settle for just having the sides trimmed real short and neatened up again. Ugh I dunno if paying for something like that is worth it at the moment either, though to be honest.

I guess after everything that's happened, or maybe in spite of it, today I felt like myself. I felt kind of ok. Yesterday I was singing and dancing. That took a lot out of me. I haven't practiced dancing in over a year, so I'm very rusty. Same with singing, plus my voice has changed a little bit so that I can't hit the notes I used to be able to... I have to re-learn how to do it since my voice changed and keep practicing. I was singing though because it made me feel safer. I was home alone. It was just me in this big empty room. So of course one thing leads to another and I start dancing. It wasn't good freestyling, but it was fun to just be myself again for a little while because I know real soon things are gonna get dark real quick...

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Follow the sound of the pipe, follow this song

It's a bit dangerous but I'm so sweet

I'm here to save you, I'm here to ruin you

You called me, see? I'm so sweet

Follow the sound of the pipe

I'm takin' over you

Written by iyazo

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Comments
JustMegawatt
Posted On May 14, 2021

Yeah Uber and Lyft can be expensive. You have to get them at very non-busy times (10 AM - 11 AM and 2 PM - 4 PM on weekdays only), anything outside those times are usually busier and pricier. It's also random most of the time, sometimes you get a good deal, other times it's like 5 times the normal.

Singing and dancing are awesome activities, that's how you enjoy yourself. Both are non-judgmental activities meant only for you to enjoy, so you can be as free and as bad or as good as you want, as long as you're enjoying yourself.

That ending was good... wow.... I'm hoping and wishing the best for you.

iyazo
Posted On May 15, 2021

@JustMegawatt YEAH I took an uber today around 3pm that was $26 only one way because lyft cancelled on me 3x in a row. I got lucky though because apparently if they cancel on you too many times like that apparently they give you credit towards your next ride, so my ride home later in the day (from somewhere slightly closer) was only $5 with lyft, including the tip. That's a WILD difference in price.

I really love singing and dancing. It's something I really enjoy. If I ever have the opportunity and space I'm going to get back into doing it more regularly and maybe film some videos of it.

I'm not sure what you mean by the last part? My writing, the song, or the fact that I did a happy activity? Anyway, thanks!

JustMegawatt
Posted On May 16, 2021

@iyazo "it was fun to just be myself again for a little while because I know real soon things are gonna get dark real quick..."

Sounds like something from a novel

iyazo
Posted On May 19, 2021

@JustMegawatt Does it..? I mean people have requested that I write a book about my life but I hadn't thought about it for years until recently when I noticed how much I write here. Still kinda thinking about it... 🤔 I do like to write!

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