July 9, 2021

End of Week 1

I overslept again this morning. I missed chapel and alpha class. I thought I had gotten up on time for therapy, but when I went online my therapist never showed up... I checked the email and unless they sent me the wrong time I don't know what's up. I met with my life coach, Mel, after that who said I did really well with my first week of orientation. The only things I didn't get done are my meeting with a coach that still needs to be set up (waiting for a call back) and my TB test which I'm going to get on Monday because the clinic here has weird hours.

I got back to my room and tidied up a little but before heading out, but Tjwana was coming up the hall to meet me. She wanted to see how I was settling into my room... Good thing I just cleaned up. I'm expecting room checks to be sometime tomorrow, so I'm trying to keep it this way. I also found out today that I'm allowed to have plants! So at some point I want to go out and get some. Mel said that one of the ladies has a bunch of spider plants and might be willing give me some. She said as long as I don't have a ton of plants all over the place it's fine.

I'll have plenty of free time until Monday, so if the weather is good maybe I'll make a shopping trip. The weather lately has been horrible though.... Incredibly hot and humid and thunderstormy.

I need to stop at my storage locker at some point too to grab more clothes and whatever else I want to keep here. I should make a list this time so I remember what I'm digging around for and don't forget because the heat makes me all woozy.

It feels so early being shut in at 8pm... I didn't mind it so much before because I was always tired being up at 6am onwards and being shut in at 8 with a blue light, I actually fell asleep a lot easier that I would have guessed on those hard foam beds. Now that I can set my own schedule a little bit I'm not doing as well with falling asleep at a reasonable hour. On the other hand, if I woke up at 6am here I'd be bored out of my mind doing nothing like I was then because there's not much to do when there aren't any groups. I wonder if I can get a blue light or blue bulbs... I can force myself to sit in the dark until I get tired rather than in artificial light that keeps you up.

I've been feeling a twinge of depression coming back and I really don't want to deal with that... I'm not sure if it's related, it's just sort of there. Maybe because any time anyone brings up the future, especially outside of / after here, I get really scared...

I'm tired and depressed now. Maybe I'll just go to bed early. I keep thinking with all this time I'll be able to go back to the older entries and add them, but I haven't really felt up to it. I have a bunch of reading to get done as well, but I wouldn't be able to focus on it right now. Maybe I'll just do something simple like lay in bed and watch a movie or show.

I have drawing to get done too... That can maybe wait until I get more of my art stuff from storage. I may have to turn one of my dresser drawers into a stuff drawer because were not supposed to have stuff out. That's dumb. I can fit all of my clothes that fit me into two drawers and hang up the rest though, so the third can be for art things and stuffed animals, I guess.

I'm too tired to think anymore. Just wanna let my brain shut down and sleep, but every time I feel like this I end up getting the worst sleep ever. Ugh. Idk.

Written by iyazo

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