July 12, 2021

HERE COMES THE "BUT" (quick story)

The “But” that kicks you in the butt when you achieve something… and how to avoid it

This is a short experience I just went through and I’m still trying to endure. Don’t Judge, although I think many can relate. I hope.

Well, I just finished my college degree! Great accomplishment Yes!!! I would love to say that it feels so good, that I am fulfilled and so joyful about it. But, actually, I can relate more to a tik tok trend (I know, sorry) that it says “me finishing my college degree a random tuesday”…. -haha, nice- (is hard to describe a tik tok video here ok.)

Photo by Pang Yuhao on Unsplash

All kidding aside, I felt a bit empty inside. And not because I missed studying or anything like that. To be honest with you all, I actually didn’t do too much of really studying the last couple of years.

For me college was… Damn, I don’t even know how to describe it. Have you ever had a shirt or a coat that someone gave to you brand new and you loved it so much, you didn’t want to take it off? But then you realized it wasn’t your precise size, it was itchy and the part that you liked the most was wearing off quickly?

Not a great metaphor, but I felt my time through college just like that. I like engineering, a lot. But, I realized I love some things more and I don’t see myself as an engineer anymore. Especially in my country where most mechanical engineers end up working in the assembly and maintenance industry, which has nothing wrong if you like it.

Anyways, I felt really good, in the beginning, but mostly because of the extra time I’ll have to keep feeding my other interests, and finally put in the hours to make them my passion and profession. But somehow this too is going a bit sideways.

This is not only with school or college.

When we have big expectations about something in the future and finally comes the time to live it and enjoy it you get aroused for a short period of time and, many times, then it is replaced by void and unknown.

But, what should I do next?” or even if you know the next step, is not easy to give it either, But, what if I don’t make it?”, “But, what if I fail?”.

For me was a different “but”. I finished the career and didn’t care too much about how it felt at the end because of the huge expectation of what is coming next. But, what if it is not like I thought”. And it wasn’t.

I was so excited to finally have time to do my things and not spend it studying my career and I ended up not appreciating the last years of my college experience. And even feeling too thin (like butter spread in too much bread) because of work, classes, and trying to start a few side-hustles in those years.

Now, I am at the chapter of my life when I have the time to use it for what I really love and now I’m screwing up it’s harder than I thought. But I have no excuse. By realizing (and writing) this, I hope I can get better. I hope.


Enjoy the episode of your life you’re living in, don’t let the exciting or gloomy future get in between.

Make a plan and stick to it this will help remove many unnecessary “buts”, And, above all, take some time to stop and appreciate the part of your life, because it won’t come back anymore.

“On doing the right thing, right now. The distant future is irrelevant. Be good and noble and impressive now — while it still matters.” -Seneca


Written by johanam

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