Oct. 16, 2021

Anxiety Down Some

I haven't even started taking my new anxiety meds, but the major anxiety that's been plaguing me has eased up a bit. I'm guessing that was all due to stress. Situational anxiety because I've been worried about my husband not being vaccinated and losing his job then having an appointment coming up always causes more anxiety.

Last night I took one of the Ativan I had left and slept okay. And the anxiety wasn't bothering me much at all today (until about the time I sat down to write this... what's up with that?). We went to Target to pick up my prescription, and I felt okay if overwhelmingly tired already even though it was only like noon when we left. Then we stopped at Walmart for a few groceries. I managed to get through both stores without having a panic attack (I don't like crowds) and without having taken anything before we left. That might have been because I was so tired and out of it. I barely remember going. I was out of creamer so I didn't have any coffee this morning which is why I was so tired.

So now I have creamer for my coffee and a new anxiety med to try so hopefully things start to normalize soon.

Oh, I looked up the other "anxiety" med I was taking to help me sleep. It was Zyprexa which is actually an anti-psychotic given to people with schizophrenia and bipolar, but also to combat acute "agitation" which I guess is why they gave it to me at the time. The prescription is from back in 2014. I had a breakdown and ended up on a 72-hour hold at a mental health facility. The most boring 72 hours of my life, but they got my meds straightened out and hooked me up with some appointments to continue treatment while I was on Medicaid (we temporarily lost our insurance). On the last day, my anxiety got so bad, I was literally vibrating out of my chair. I was shaking so bad, one of the other guys there asked me if I was okay. I could not hold still. Every inch of me was shaking, but I couldn't tell you why.

The director of the facility happened to be in the office at the time, and my "friend" ratted me out. At the time, we were both waiting to be discharged once our rides arrived. I ended up missing being able to say goodbye to him because I was talking with the doctor who diagnosed me with panic attacks and prescribed the Zyprexa to try out. I didn't take it very long back then because it makes me so drowsy, but damn, it works well to cut the anxiety right out of my system. Of course, it still knocks me out even taking just half a tablet.

I never questioned the doctor after she prescribed it. Whatever. She said take it to get rid of the shakes, and I said, "okay." It got rid of the shakes, but I nearly passed out in the store an hour later, lol. I decided to only take it at bedtime, but it made me too drowsy the next day to continue taking it. Anyway, I'm saving the last few I have for any major breakthrough anxiety attacks that come around near bedtime. I wish I could take it all the time since it really helps mellow me out. Well, maybe a little too mellow since I fall asleep, lol. If it didn't have that pesky side-effect. Oh, well.

I think I'm going to go try this quick-acting anxiety med the doctor gave me because I can feel it building up again for no reason. I was fine a few hours ago, but now I'm all agitated again. I want to chill out and just watch TV or something, and I can't do that when I feel jittery from the anxiety.

Written by justanotherjen

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