Oct. 24, 2021

And it piles on

I'll start by saying, my back seems a little better. I've literally done nothing for like two days. No bending over, very careful getting in and out of chairs and the bed, not on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time. I've also slept with my heating pad on the affected area (I always do that, though). So far today I've had no major twinges. My back feels weak from not using it, though. I'm going to take it easy a few more days, do some easy stretching, and hope for the best.

But when one thing goes right, there's always something else to go wrong.

I got a text from my 15yo earlier which was a screenshot of a conversation between her and my 21yo daughter. I guess the older daughter was feeling... like harming herself (was how the 15yo put it) and checked herself into the hospital with the help of her friend. Here, I thought she had gone to work last night and come home while I was sleeping. She seemed fine yesterday. The last time I talked to her was after she dropped her son off at his dad's house. She was complaining because she had to work that night (graveyard shift) and wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now. Then she went back in her room. I heard her leave later in the day so I assumed she went to work, but I guess not.

Now she's on a 72-hour hold (I assume) and our only point of contact is with her friend. She might be home by Tuesday, and if she isn't we have to get in contact with her ex's mom to see what to do with my grandson. The two of them normally trade off and on depending on their schedules. Her ex's parents both work so can't watch him all of the time. I'm a stay-at-home-mom so if there's no one to watch him on Tuesday, he'll be here with me. I'm not sure how I'll handle this.

He's made it a habit of coming in here each morning he's at our house to watch TV. I usually get him cereal and then lunch before my daughter gets up, but after just a couple of hours alone with him, I'm worn out. And that's just with him watching TV while I try to focus on writing.

I was doing good with my anxiety, too. I hadn't really needed many pills since my appointment (knowing I have enough helped calm my nerves I guess), but now my chest is tight and I feel fidgety again. I'm worried about my daughter and just sad because she just started a new job that paid well. Like last night was her second day. There goes that job. She's not going to find another one that pays like that. Her and her friend were hoping to get an apartment together once they had been at their new jobs for a few months, but there goes that, too.

I mean, I'm glad she went to the hospital instead of doing something to herself. I just wish... I don't know... that it didn't happen at all. I wish she would take meds for her bipolar to stay stable but she's so against it because it will "change" her somehow. I don't know what she thinks will happen other than she won't have her mood bouncing all over the place all of the time. I didn't change after going on meds. She thinks therapy alone will cure her chemical imbalance.

Maybe this will be the wakeup call she needs.

Now I just have to get my anxiety to calm down. Took one of the new anxiety meds that are supposed to be fast acting and work on the physical manifestations (jitters and chest tightness and all that). If that doesn't work, I'm taking an Ativan and will probably need a Zyprexa to sleep tonight.

There's just always something.

Written by justanotherjen

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