Dealing with Medication Issues

Hello, all. It's been a while since I updated. I guess going off my meds for a bit to test something was not good for me. I just kind of stopped doing my journal entries and drifted for a while after that. I did eventually get back on them and got it sorted out, but now I'm back in a similar spot.

I take quite a few prescriptions daily, including three different meds to control my rampant anxiety. One of them is Ativan which I started taking at night to help control my racing thoughts so I can actually sleep. Well, after my last appointment back at the beginning of January, my doctor said she'd get my refills in, but she never did. I had to request the Ativan and my mood stabilizer be refilled. The Vraylar (mood stabilizer) went through, but the Ativan didn't. And I've finally run out. I wasn't super worried because my next appointment is on Monday so I can get a refill then although I probably won't get to pick it up until next Friday because my husband works during the day, and I don't have a car.

I figured I could get by with just my other anxiety meds if I took them at bedtime. So last night I tried it. I had two Ativan left but didn't take one to see what would happen. It wasn't good.

I was tired and had to be up early this morning and knew I'd be babysitting my grandson all day so I needed to rest. I turned the TV off at 10pm and tried to go to sleep. But I couldn't. My brain wouldn't relax so I tossed and turned for over two hours, wondering what was wrong, until I remembered I didn't take the Ativan. After another half hour of thinking about that and still not sleeping, I took one of the two pills left. I was asleep within another half hour, but that meant I lost about three hours of sleep.

Now I'm worried about the Ativan. It's going to be a problem next week when I need to babysit again. I can barely make it through a day doing nothing. Losing sleep the day before I have to babysit an overactive toddler is super inconvenient. Actually, it's devastating. Most days I can barely stay awake until dinner, but napping does nothing for me.

I have one Ativan left for tonight, but I don't think I have to babysit again until Wednesday. So for the next week, I'm just not going to get any sleep which is worrisome. I think I have a few of the stronger pills I used to take that I found out were anti-psychotics they give to people with bipolar to help control anxiety and stuff. I can take those as long as I'm not babysitting the next day because they knock me out for an entire day after. I mean, I sleep great, but it's not much help if I can't wake up the next day.

Here's hoping I make it through the next week in one piece.