Changing Doctors Again

So, I had an appointment today. I've been nervous about this all weekend because I get nervous over everything. It had been about five weeks since I talked to my shrink, and in the meantime, I had run out of my Ativan but figured it was only a couple of days without it before the appointment so I could survive. I just thought we'd discuss my worsening depression and get my meds refilled and everything would be fine.

Of course, first thing she springs on me is that she's moving and her last day is the end of the week. When I made the appointment a few weeks ago, they had spots open past this week so this must be something new. I'm glad I made it for five weeks instead of six or I would have been in more trouble.

Now I'm back to breaking in a new doctor. She said her office will take care of the transition to one of the other shrinks in the clinic by calling me. Well, they'll really be calling my husband because that's the number I have listed because I don't answer my phone. Of course, my husband is at work all day and can't give me the phone. So this is going to be a game of phone tag that's going to cause my anxiety to go through the roof.

I'm really sad and stressed out now. I really liked this doctor and don't want to start over again. I'm tired of having to start over with doctors. I've gone through it so many times already. I don't want to have to keep explaining the same things and starting from the beginning with treatments the new doctor wants to try. She said whoever takes over my care should just continue with what we've been doing, but who knows. What if I don't like this new person or don't feel comfortable.

I checked the clinic website, and they have three other psychiatrists on staff. Two of them are men. My doctor said another new doctor will be joining the practice as well but no idea if that's a man or woman. My previous provider was a man, and I never felt like he took me seriously. I know he didn't try very hard to find meds that worked for me and eventually wrote me off saying there was nothing else he could prescribe or do for me. This doctor I've been seeing now has been very proactive, finding newer meds that have research into helping people with bipolar depression (over those with more mania than depression).

I just really, really liked her.

I feel like my day is ruined. On top of that, I let one of my cats in, and he's limping. And I don't have money to take him to the vet. I hope he's just sore from jumping wrong or something and will be fine in a few days. He was fine this morning when someone let him outside. I've been trying to keep him in as much as possible because he got hurt a few weeks ago while outside, and it cost $350 for the ER visit.

Anyway, now my anxiety is through the roof between the new doctor business and my cat. I feel like throwing up. I probably shouldn't have eaten lunch.

This day has dragged on and it's only a little after noon. But all days seem to drag on. So many times, I've glanced at the clock, wondering how many hours I have before I can go to bed only to find it's only 4 or 5pm, and I still have the whole evening to go. All I want to do is go back to bed as soon as I wake up in the morning. Sigh.

My doctor did refill my prescriptions and bumped my mood stabilizer up, so hopefully, that will help a little. At this point, I don't have much faith, but all I can do is try and see what happens.